veteranDS
Member
I think I've apologized enough, I clearly did not explain myself well enough. I'm not as unreasonable as you may think, I'm obviously willing to listen and learn. Apparently I have a lot more learning than I thought.
15 year WLS veteran with an opinion to those considering WLS.
- Thread starter veteranDS
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@veteranDS , I never exercise. I've never needed a "shrink". I'm not in denial, and I totally disagree with you. Not everyone needs therapy. Some of us just need the WLS. And I think that THOSE people are the majority. We just don't hear about THOSE people much because they are out living their lives, not having complications (like you are).
You owe @more2adore an apology and a retraction. She doesn't need a shrink. She just needs her DS.
You owe @more2adore an apology and a retraction. She doesn't need a shrink. She just needs her DS.
Your first post (made MULTIPLE times in various locations) asserts that most of us have eating disorders, should have had psychiatric treatment, and that if they HAD, they would be successful and thin like you. It also asserts that weight loss is all a matter of calories in, calories out, and that anyone who doesn't believe this is in denial. YOU ARE VICTIM-BASHING, and even THAT wouldn't be as bad as it is if there were ANY facts or truth on your side. And then the cherry on top of the icing on the cake is that you come here with your first post lecturing us about how we need to get psych help before we can succeed like you - but it turns out you are as screwed up - if not more so - as they come. You're obsessed with calories, improperly supplementing, failing to get regular bloodwork, a self-professed hypergymnasiac with anorexia athletica (which is a bona fide eating disorder), and you're trying to give US advice??
Read and learn here, and put things right with your OWN house, before you start making scientifically invalid, gross generalizations about the people here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection
"Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others."
You may very well be suffering from all the things you want us to believe about ourselves, but trust me - YOU are the outlier, and you aren't going to make yourself feel better by accusing others of having the same mental illness as you believe you have already addressed in yourself - especially when it is clear you have traded one eating disorder for another one.
And your netiquette needs a lot of work. This is NOT how you win friends and influence people - barging onto a new forum making false accusations, in particular against a vulnerable and physically unwell pre-op about whom you know NOTHING, without understanding the nature of the board and the manner of how we communicate here, and in particular understand WHO posts here. Your post was not only factually wrong, it was highly arrogant and presumptuous, and most of the members - who have all sorts of expertise superior to yours, and many of whom are nearly as far out as you - know far more than you about bariatric surgery and living with a DS in particular.
Read and learn here, and put things right with your OWN house, before you start making scientifically invalid, gross generalizations about the people here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection
"Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others."
You may very well be suffering from all the things you want us to believe about ourselves, but trust me - YOU are the outlier, and you aren't going to make yourself feel better by accusing others of having the same mental illness as you believe you have already addressed in yourself - especially when it is clear you have traded one eating disorder for another one.
And your netiquette needs a lot of work. This is NOT how you win friends and influence people - barging onto a new forum making false accusations, in particular against a vulnerable and physically unwell pre-op about whom you know NOTHING, without understanding the nature of the board and the manner of how we communicate here, and in particular understand WHO posts here. Your post was not only factually wrong, it was highly arrogant and presumptuous, and most of the members - who have all sorts of expertise superior to yours, and many of whom are nearly as far out as you - know far more than you about bariatric surgery and living with a DS in particular.
veteranDS
Member
Again, heard you all loud and clear. I didn't mean to suggest it was for everyone. I will be more specific next time I give an opinion.
"what I consider on of our dirty little secrets"
No, YOUR dirty little secrets. Not "our" - speak for yourself, not for anyone else.
What you "consider" has no factual basis, certainly not NEARLY as generally as you claim. And why? Does it make you feel better to think we're all as fucked up as you apparently are? Some of us - probably MOST of us - merely had bad genes resulting in poor metabolisms, which were exacerbated by multiple failed diets to the point where there was no possible way we could effectively and permanently lose weight without an EFFECTIVE bariatric surgery - that is a MEDICAL problem, not a psychiatric problem. There is a reason that study after study has shown that there is a 95-98% recidivism rate within 2 years of morbidly obese people who lose weight by diet and exercise alone. That is NOT because 95-98% of us are headcases - it is because the vast majority of us have a medical metabolic disease that can only be treated effectively by surgery that corrects our metabolisms.
No, YOUR dirty little secrets. Not "our" - speak for yourself, not for anyone else.
What you "consider" has no factual basis, certainly not NEARLY as generally as you claim. And why? Does it make you feel better to think we're all as fucked up as you apparently are? Some of us - probably MOST of us - merely had bad genes resulting in poor metabolisms, which were exacerbated by multiple failed diets to the point where there was no possible way we could effectively and permanently lose weight without an EFFECTIVE bariatric surgery - that is a MEDICAL problem, not a psychiatric problem. There is a reason that study after study has shown that there is a 95-98% recidivism rate within 2 years of morbidly obese people who lose weight by diet and exercise alone. That is NOT because 95-98% of us are headcases - it is because the vast majority of us have a medical metabolic disease that can only be treated effectively by surgery that corrects our metabolisms.
veteranDS
Member
Well, I think your being to hard on me, but I respect what your saying to me. I know what I've experienced and I know what others have shared with me in support groups, so I'm wondering why I'm so far off? Again, I realized its not meant for everyone but to say I'm the only one with this issue is just as silly as me not knowing about dry vitamin D. You know, I've used the word opinion so many times.....I don't remember ever saying fact. My experience, my witness to others, my opinion is what it is. If it doesn't apply to you, fine. I'm glad you don't have those obstacles, but others might.
@veteranDS the best thing to do now is start over. Go make an intro post about YOU in the Say Hello forum. And when stating your opinion, use the I form not the you or WE.
You had a excellent surgeon for your DS and you have a lot to give BUT give your own experience not what you may think is wrong with all of us. As with everything else, it's very much a YMMV situation (your mileage may vary).
If you say something like *I* found I needed therapy because of XYZ, you would have received a far different reception. So back up, make a true intro post, and also apologize to the pre-ops that you insulted.
The vets here (and I am still very much a newbie to many of the ones here), will not blow rainbows and unicorns up someone's butt and are known for their candor BUT they truly care about the success of everyone here.
You had a excellent surgeon for your DS and you have a lot to give BUT give your own experience not what you may think is wrong with all of us. As with everything else, it's very much a YMMV situation (your mileage may vary).
If you say something like *I* found I needed therapy because of XYZ, you would have received a far different reception. So back up, make a true intro post, and also apologize to the pre-ops that you insulted.
The vets here (and I am still very much a newbie to many of the ones here), will not blow rainbows and unicorns up someone's butt and are known for their candor BUT they truly care about the success of everyone here.
that was well said. for what its worth, I'm not offended but then I'm up to my armpits in psych issues.
like Liz (Southern Lady) said, feel free to start over and speak for yourself and it's all good.
ETA: keeping in mind it might take a bit for things to die down...
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Jo777
Aug 2017
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2014
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- 485
@JackieOnLine, you have much more patience/tolerance. I was lost at "dirty little secrets".. time to ignore.
robs477
Now an Angel in heaven
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2014
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- 1,227
OK…I agree with Southernlady….100%, stated perfectly! Lets just start over? This Lady already apologized, please let’s move forward. I only want to explain that the person you chose to give advice to is facing a LOT of REAL medical challenges, that she WILL overcome, she has a HUGE heart and is trying to overcome a lot right now, that is probably why we are maybe even a little “Over protective” of her right now….That being said, you have your own life’s experiences to bring to the table, and after your apology, I for one welcome you with open arms. I can’t tell you how many times I wish I would have worded something differently, because it is not exactly as I meant…let’s start over. But, please, no more Psych analysis stuff, and as Southernlady said, from your perspective not sublimated on to another. We’ve all heard all that our whole life by real experts….enough said…
star0210
Well-Known Member
Well I'm still pretty new here and haven't been switched yet...revising from sleeve to DS on Friday. I have to agree that your post came off as rather condescending and arrogant.
I've had the sleeve for going on 5 yrs. There's no hidden buried story with me...no denial. There are no psychological issues I need to work on.
Having said that, I think you've been beat up enough. @southernlady gave you great advice. Start over. So far in my short time here it's obvious this is a very caring group of people who give freely of themselves and their time to all help each other out. No, they aren't much for sugar coating things...but really...tough love is where it's at.
I hope you stick around and share more about your experience because I'm sure you do have quite a bit to contribute and hearing it all from those farther out is a big help to us new ops.
I've had the sleeve for going on 5 yrs. There's no hidden buried story with me...no denial. There are no psychological issues I need to work on.
Having said that, I think you've been beat up enough. @southernlady gave you great advice. Start over. So far in my short time here it's obvious this is a very caring group of people who give freely of themselves and their time to all help each other out. No, they aren't much for sugar coating things...but really...tough love is where it's at.
I hope you stick around and share more about your experience because I'm sure you do have quite a bit to contribute and hearing it all from those farther out is a big help to us new ops.
What I can see is that you still don't "get it." Go back and read your original posts, both this version, and the one on More2Adore's thread, keeping in mind the context of where SHE is right now and why. Then read our criticisms of what you did. Until you understand what we said, and truly "get it," I would highly suggest that you refrain from posting. There is something about this social dynamic that you are oblivious to, and your experience here today is likely to be repeated over and over if you don't understand why your posts got the reception they did.
I'm all about second chances. Hell, I married my first husband twice. But I've also learned MY lesson from that experience - "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
I'm all about second chances. Hell, I married my first husband twice. But I've also learned MY lesson from that experience - "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
Elizabeth N.
Herder of cats
No, we're not being too hard on you. You waltzed into a stranger's living room and started bashing everything from their taste in home décor to their choice in spouses. So quit your fucking whining.
veteranDS
Member
Wow, I never bashed anyone, I gave my opinion with no malice intended and I've taken everyone's criticism with calm grace, which is more than I can say about the last comment.
veteranDS
Member
Well I didn't sugar coat my OPINION and that's all it was. I never meant it to be cruel and I've apologized so many times. I just don't know how to proceed. I'm going to try my best to move forward. I've never had anyone react so harshly to an opinion and I'm not arrogant, but obviously a poor communicator. I feel humiliated. I really don't know what to say, but I can assure you all I get it. Please can we move on?
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