What would you respond?

[brooklyngirl]

So a weird thing happened this morning. I posted a picture on Facebook last night that got quite a bit of attention, full length pic where you can really see how much smaller I am, and I got a little bit of an odd message. My old boss sent me a PM saying "you look fab! How did you do it? I need help".
The thing is, we're not even FB friends. Yes, we were friendly-ish, and she knew my mom since I was a kid, but I haven't spoken to her since I left that job 12 years ago! I haven't ever once lied about being on a diet when someone asks me directly about how I lost all this weight, I'm very open about it, but I'm feeling like WTF right now. She couldn't even send me a friend request and then strike up a thinly veiled conversation? Part of me doesn't even want to respond, but all along I've made it a point to have the attitude that if I'm really proud of myself and not ashamed of having surgery to take the proverbial "easy way out" then I'm going to be straightforward and honest about it. Just feels weird to me.

 

[Sheanie]

Yeah, that's weird in a fishing sort of way. She's fishing, and crossing over the line into uncomfortable. How did things end with that job? I never hide my WLS from anyone, but I am very selective with whom I will discuss the particulars. I usually just say "I had weight loss surgery". If they don't ask specifically which one, I don't volunteer. But if they are genuinely interested and smart enough to understand which foods contain protein, I go on to discuss the DS. I used to talk in depth with everyone about it. It was exhausting. Now I smile and pick and choose who I elaborate to.

And I LOVE it when someone says I've taken the "easy way out". It's not hard to shut that argument down. It's actually entertaining.

 

[newanatomy]

I bet your boss heard something about your having had WLS and not she is trying to confirm it or see if you would deny it. Maybe, I am too cynical.

I also go the same route as @Sheanie, as far as explaining my surgery goes. Most people just want the gossip.

I would just type back a short sentence of, "I had weight-loss surgery".

 

[Larra]

It could be just nosiness, as others have suggested. But was this person MO back when you last saw her? Or maybe just overweight or obese and on the path to morbid obesity? Is to possible that she really needs help, has been feeling helpless and not knowing where to turn, and they out of nowhere she sees this photo of you looking happy and healthy and thinner and is genuinely reaching out to you for help?
Without knowing her, and your former relationship to her, I can't say. But if she's someone who might actually benefit from knowing about your experience, and esp about the DS, and if you are comfortable with this, why not reach back and just briefly (no need to get into anatomy or vitamins or any other details) tell her about this wonderful surgery that is so little known? You might be helping someone who desperately needs help. Or not, but it costs you nothing.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Tough call. If I were in your shoes and knew her to be MO, I would probably respond by telling her my usual one liner, "I had a type of WLS nobody knows about called a duodenal switch. You can learn more about it at DS Facts." Then I'd think more about what to say if she continued to communicate.

If I did not remember her as MO and had concerns about her motives, I'd waver between not responding or responding without answering the fishing question along the lines of, "Sally, how WONDERFUL to hear from you! Thanks for the note. Life is good here, how about with you?"

Pertinent question: How did she see the pic if you are not FB friends? Do you need to maybe adjust privacy settings? Or maybe kick some friend's cyberbutt for passing your pic around?

 

[Terri]

Is your mom on FB? If so are her and your mom FB friends? Could your mom have shared your photo? I would say something like, I had WLS and feel great. There is tons of info on the internet. I had the duodenal switch, DSFacts.com is a great website for information about it.

Then she will either get the confirmation she is looking for, that you did indeed have surgery, or she can research on her own if she is truly interested. I think if she is bold enough to PM you out of the blue like that that she will have no problem PMing you if she truly is interested and has more questions.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Ok, so I left that job because I got a better one. The bosses weren't thrilled about it because I was their pet and they didn't think I'd leave them, but it wasn't necessarily on bad terms.

As far as her weight, unless things have changed (which is totally possible) she was never heavy. She was always the type that was on a diet to lose 10 or 15 pounds and never actually needed to. I'm just dying to know how she saw my picture. I have everything set to "friends only" but I know I see things pop on my newsfeed like "Mary liked this" or "Chrissy commented on this" and it was a status or a picture of one of their friends that I could now see. I dunno if that's what happened or someone's just being gossipy. The thing about WLS gossip, is that I feel like admitting to it stops the gossip in its tracks. I have heard women at work be like "oh she's so full of shit, she didn't just diet and exercise, she totally had the lapband" kind of gossipy bullshit, which is why I'm always honest about it when asked and people have been simultaneously surprised by my honesty and very cool about it afterward.

What's ironic, is that I got another message, from a different friend (one who I'm actually friends with on FB and I communicate with here and there) who at least did the thinly veiled "hey, how you doin, you look really good and you seem really happy, yada yada" before asking how I lost so much weight. Now she falls into the category of someone I'd actually discuss it with because I think she wants help. She was one of those bratty, catty popular girls growing up and she's been struggling with her weight for years now. She posts all about her dieting and working out and losing 40 pounds or whatever and then she stops and clearly gained it all back, and then some.

 

[brooklyngirl]

And nope, mom isn't on FB. Well, she sort of is, but only because my sister set up a profile for her thinking she would use it once it was done, but she's never been on since.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Hmmm. I think I'd lean toward response number one, then. Nip that shit in the bud.

 

[Sheanie]

She probably looked at your picture on someone else's Facey Space page. My bankrupt sister, Teflon Mary, uses other people's accounts all the time to stalk me. My computer savvy son has also said he can hack into anything. And I've also seen on the TV show Catfish that there is an "app" you can use to search for photos, even on blocked Facebook pages.

Since your former boss is just a Lookie Lou, I'd give the patented Ann Landers response: "Why on earth would you ask such a personal question?", or , if you're feeling generous, and honest: "I had weight loss surgery." The End.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I went with "wow ___! Long time no talk! Thanks for the compliment, I had surgery and I'm very happy with the results. How did you end up seeing my photos?" I wanted to be short, yet let her know I thought she was being a creepster.

Anyway, I'm thinking that I must've popped up in a bunch of newsfeeds because I got a bunch of friend requests today. I went through my privacy settings and nothing was out of whack. I dunno!

 

[Terri]

I went with "wow ___! Long time no talk! Thanks for the compliment, I had surgery and I'm very happy with the results. How did you end up seeing my photos?" I wanted to be short, yet let her know I thought she was being a creepster.

Anyway, I'm thinking that I must've popped up in a bunch of newsfeeds because I got a bunch of friend requests today. I went through my privacy settings and nothing was out of whack. I dunno!

I like your response to her, not that people you don't know saw your photo. Also on FB sometimes your privacy depends on others privacy settings as well I think.