Stefanie S.
Well-Known Member
Good Morning! It's been a while since posting. I am grateful that someone on here sent me a private message noting this fact and checked in on me. What a wonderful gesture and reminder to me that we are all in this together. It was fun to post when I was seeing progress and it was all new, but then I retreat when I feel like I'm failing or not doing so well.
So today I am 256. I think I've been that weight for about 4 weeks now. On the day of surgery, I was 301, so being down 45 pounds is certainly great. But I feel like if I don't change my ways, I will be forever at this weight. Old habits have creeped right back in. Well, I don't know about creeped. If I'm being honest, they've really always been there. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder almost 4 years ago, and if I am not mindful of it, those tendencies show up in a hurry. Especially during times of stress, which we all have. For me, the past few months have been consumed with devastating family issues, buying a new home (and the accompanying headaches and now packing/moving), not liking my job, and fighting the insurance company to pay for the surgery I already had. So the very first thing I do... as my brain seems hardwired to do... EAT!
Being a revision to DS, my stomach wasn't touched in January, so I have been able to eat the same large amounts of food all along. And I do. The magic of DS was fairly forgiving for a while, but not so much now. But I am telling you - I am eating a LOT. And I haven't been careful with what I'm eating. Carbs, desserts, sugars. I always thought that if food made me sick (or sent me running in fear to the toilet!), that it would be my answer. That hasn't proven to be true though. I've just learned timing. I know that I have to eat low carb during the day, but then I can go home and have a carb fest. I'm right there with my own private bathroom where gas and emergency bathroom runs aren't too big of an issue. But it's no life. I really would rather be out at night... feel free to go shopping or go out with a friend, without the worries of feeling bloated and gassy, or worse, needing to get to a restroom NOW and the humiliation of the smell in a public restroom. But I still make myself a slave to this food.
I am going to seek out counseling this week. I went to 18 months of intense counseling back in 2014-2015 for binge eating disorder. And it definitely helped. But I am feeling out of control again.
I want to be an uplifting resource for those of you who have had the DS Revision or are considering it, but instead, here I am.... raw and honest. It is not the magic pill. I have zero regrets though. Today I am 256. I honestly feel that if I had not had the revision surgery in January, I'd be pushing 356 today. So I am in a much better place. But I still just need to get my head on straight
So today I am 256. I think I've been that weight for about 4 weeks now. On the day of surgery, I was 301, so being down 45 pounds is certainly great. But I feel like if I don't change my ways, I will be forever at this weight. Old habits have creeped right back in. Well, I don't know about creeped. If I'm being honest, they've really always been there. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder almost 4 years ago, and if I am not mindful of it, those tendencies show up in a hurry. Especially during times of stress, which we all have. For me, the past few months have been consumed with devastating family issues, buying a new home (and the accompanying headaches and now packing/moving), not liking my job, and fighting the insurance company to pay for the surgery I already had. So the very first thing I do... as my brain seems hardwired to do... EAT!
Being a revision to DS, my stomach wasn't touched in January, so I have been able to eat the same large amounts of food all along. And I do. The magic of DS was fairly forgiving for a while, but not so much now. But I am telling you - I am eating a LOT. And I haven't been careful with what I'm eating. Carbs, desserts, sugars. I always thought that if food made me sick (or sent me running in fear to the toilet!), that it would be my answer. That hasn't proven to be true though. I've just learned timing. I know that I have to eat low carb during the day, but then I can go home and have a carb fest. I'm right there with my own private bathroom where gas and emergency bathroom runs aren't too big of an issue. But it's no life. I really would rather be out at night... feel free to go shopping or go out with a friend, without the worries of feeling bloated and gassy, or worse, needing to get to a restroom NOW and the humiliation of the smell in a public restroom. But I still make myself a slave to this food.
I am going to seek out counseling this week. I went to 18 months of intense counseling back in 2014-2015 for binge eating disorder. And it definitely helped. But I am feeling out of control again.
I want to be an uplifting resource for those of you who have had the DS Revision or are considering it, but instead, here I am.... raw and honest. It is not the magic pill. I have zero regrets though. Today I am 256. I honestly feel that if I had not had the revision surgery in January, I'd be pushing 356 today. So I am in a much better place. But I still just need to get my head on straight