From the DUH! Files: Ain't no such thing as fit and fat

[DianaCox]

Just to be clear - Priscilla was murdered in 1987 - I don't believe cochlear implants were widely available then, and I believe she would have embraced getting them when they did become available.

More on this controversy, for those who are interested:
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/a...afness-not-everyone-wants-to-be-fixed/278527/
http://www.deafwebsites.com/hearing-aids/cochler-implant-controversy.html
http://www.cochlearwar.com/introduction.html (generally AGAINST cochlear implants for children)

http://articles.latimes.com/1992-03-27/local/me-4694_1_santa-ana-home (sentencing of the man who murdered her and her mother; he was convicted of murder with torture - he stabbed her in the eyes while he was killing her - and I wish I had been contacted during the trial, because he characterized their relationship as a romantic one, which it was NOT. Two months before the murder, she came to my house with him, and told me she did NOT want him to come, but he was trying to be involved with her and she was not interested, but felt sorry for him - she said she agreed to let him attend so he would see that he would NOT fit in with her and her hearing friends - I wish I had followed up with her and my concerns about the fact that she let herself be bullied into bringing him, but I was in a car accident a few weeks later and got distracted by the problems that came from that - it was during that time that he first stalked her to the parking lot where she worked and hit her in the face so hard he broke her tooth, and she DIDN'T CALL THE POLICE or get a restraining order, because she felt sorry for him. He died in prison a few years later.)

 

[robs477]

What a very sad story. I will never cease to be amazed (and not in a good way), at the things we “humans” do to one another. Very sorry for your loss.

 

[more2adore]

@more2adore

I agree that simply being fat doesn't mean a person is necessarily unfit. But, as I said, there's a certain point (past a certain weight) where the chances of remaining healthy diminish steadily. I don't advocate telling people what to do with their bodies, but I won't lie that people in the size acceptance community who push the healthy at any weight agenda make me all kinds of irritable. People have a right to make informed choices, and any social movement that promotes an agenda, contrary to available evidence and scientifically validated research (which even when questioned from every angle, makes it hard to confirm that obesity at any size is possible for most), and enforces it with social sanctions, is utterly misguided. Bodily autonomy is not about encouraging or hell socially coercing people (however subtly and passive aggressively) on a fast track to ill health to stay fat even when WLS would improve the quality of their life and health. Autonomy is about respecting the right to individual choices. In presenting and pushing biased and even harmful information on people to the point where getting WLS at 500 pounds+ has gotten them ostracized or to the point where even saying what you did would get a person alienated from their peers..the movement and the community do a great disservice. It's also extremely hypocritical to push for body autonomy, and then not respect people for choosing surgical options.

And the obese folks who choose their ill health by refusing to even consider WLS (not talking about those who have their hands tied financially or want it but are struggling), instead choosing to sneer at and shame those who do, make it hard not to feel sorry for having blinders on to the point where loyalty to a misguided message keeps them from making the best choice for their situation. Of course, I am not saying anyone should express this around them, directly or indirectly, but we have a right to our private thoughts. And, these are mine. I am just not ever going to be on board with the fit at any size message, personally. We can respect people's right to make their own choices without necessarily agreeing with the choices they make. I am sorry you've been treated poorly in the community for choosing WLS.

I agree with pretty much the whole first paragraph. I too, though, refused to consider WLS for a very long time. I may have even discouraged others from making it, which I'm ashamed of now. Frankly, in the Fat acceptance movement, there is a LOT of evidence-based literature spread around as to why "WLS" is bad. Prevailing knowledge is that it either kills you, or you gain all the weight back anyway plus have additional health problems related to your surgery. The problem is - much of this information is either outdated or about specific surgeries we already know to be problematic like the RNY and Crap band. It's hard to argue with "it can kill you" when a friend of mine in the community died recently while on vacation due to a serious ulcer in the blind stomach that she had as a result of the RNY. It's hard to argue with "you gain the weight back" when people are looking at lap band stats.

The truth is obviously - your surgery is as successful as YOU make it. Pick the RIGHT surgery and the RIGHT surgeon and you're less likely to have problems. Unfortunately giving out this kind of information is considered "WLS cheerleading" and can get you banned from a fat acceptance board I used to frequent.

My opinion is that the truth is somewhere in the middle... maybe on the smaller end of things, *for some people*, losing weight oneself instead of through WLS is less drastic and preferable. But my own recent research over the last year, which I've gone into with a more open mind, says that once you get to be THIS fat (over 500, let's say, but in truth the line is probably much farther back on the scale than that) the only REAL way to lose a meaningful amount of weight and keep it off is the RIGHT kind of WLS.

I just wish I could share that with more people. But let's face it - if they're not ready to hear it, they're just going to keep denial glasses on and keep living life at the status quo. If I hadn't gotten married and learned that I wanted something more out of my existence, I'm not sure when - or if - I would have been ready to hear that message, either.