DONT Laugh at me...

[Clematis]

Charris rolled her car, six times I think, in the middle of the desert, and broke almost everything breakable, from neck to foot, on one side of her body. She was SOOOO on drugs.

AFTERWARDS not during!! Poor girl was trussed up like a prized Virginia ham.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

AFTERWARDS not during!! Poor girl was trussed up like a prized Virginia ham.

@writegirl

Yes, sorry, she was drugged up POST getting a helicopter ride out of there.

 

[Charris]

I'm of the school that therapy never hurts. (Assuming you have a reputable therapist.) People who went through the Great Depression became hoarders, or at least some of them did. You said you were afraid of becoming malnourished. That's a head problem.

Yes, you know what to do. Yes, you've been there and done that. You're demonstrating incredible self-awareness. I honestly believe that you need the support of a therapist. Maybe one that deals with eating disorders may help. Yet I'm thinking generalized anxiety so maybe some medication might help.

(I've been going through some nausea, abdominal pain, anorexia, etc. I had an EGD and no pathology was found. Then I realized these complaints started shortly after I decreased my Prozac dose. I went back up to just a tad and my GI complaints are lessening.)

Give Toot lots of hugs. That sounds like a healing strategy as well as therapy and medication.

yea I didn't think that I should go back on my anxiety meds. Good call

I'm glad you figured out what the problem was with you

 

[Charris]

If you can't afford a therapist, why not see if there are Overeaters Anonymous or Food Addicts Anonymous meetings in your area? They are free of charge and you can get a sponsor that can help you get on a healthier path.

I can afford it i have excellent mental health insurance plus my job gives so many free sessions through our employee assistance program. Before I never thought I needed it

 

[Charris]

Last time we talked, you were on a shitload of pain meds, plus the steroids. Are you off everything now? Part of your panic could be related to medications...part of it could just be PTSD type stuff from your accident.

Getting your "mind right"... What about other "executive function" type activities? Like, how well are you organizing things, like tasks you have to perform? Are you easily distracted/easily frustrated by stuff that used to be routine? When you organize an activity, do you cover all the bases...or leave out important stuff?

Then DS math. Don't fixate on the 4000 calories.

So, one strip of bacon is 42 calories and 68% of those are fat...okay?

So, if you ate 100 strips of bacon:
You'd have consumed 4200 calories.
68% of those calories are from fat, so 1344 actually count.
Of the 68% (2856 calories), 80% gets malabsorbed...so,
20%, 571 calories, get absorbed plus tbe 1344... Still under 2000 calories.


I think.

no i am still on all the pain meds but off steroids. they are trying to ween me down on quantity because I'm on the amount of pain meds allowed to a terminal cancer patient. if you don't have terminal cancer the amount of pain meds has to be under the equivalent of 200 grams of morphine. When I got out of the hospital my number was 280 I was on 8mg of dilaudid 6 times a day, 40 of oxycotin 2 times, and 4 15mg oxcodones. Now I'm off all the dilaudid and have muscle relaxers, Motrin, lidocain patches and cream and more gabapentin with the oxycotin 40mg and oxycodones 15mg

I need to learn that D'S math.

 

[Charris]

C -

Love yourself and listen to your gut. If you sense your current behavior around food is harmful, change it. If you try to change it, but keep reverting back to a pattern that isn't positive and sense that counseling would be helpful, go for it.

I've put on a few pounds lately myself, mainly because I'm stressed and eating what is easy / available versus focusing properly on content. My first step is going to be to make time to take a step back and figure out how to deal with the stress better, because I think that will help diet fall in place. Are you under stress too? Is that contributing?

In any case, take care of you. You're amazing and we want you to be around and happy for many years to come!

thanks of course I'm stressed. I would think I were dead/ or dying if everything were great. makes me laugh because 1st time I almost died from malnutrition I went to nursing home something like 4 months. I thought wow life is great home was doing great so I thought. lol when they came to pick me up from nursing home my family hit me with the wammy! the dog died, my son totaled my brand new 6 month old car, he had been arrested and a shot load of other stuff had happened. lol. When I asked why no one told me they said you were dying and fighting for your life we just wanted you to focus on trying to get well. lol

 

[Charris]

I have no answers on the food compulsion for you other than to say you are in the right place here for support as you go through it. What you're describing reminds me more of OCD (which is often closely related in food compulsion disorders). The reason I mention this is that @Spiky Bugger mentioned you were on a lot of medications. Depending on what meds you've been on, you could be suffering from a drug-related onset of OCD, as some medications are implicated in the emergences of OCD in some patients. The reason I know this is that my ex-husband had become severely OCD due to an addition to opiates and anti-depressants. Things got worse as his addictions became unmanageable; hence, ex-husband. Don't be afraid to broach the subject with your PCP, if you can. Good luck to you!

wow I will definitely need to look into this. if you read above I'm still on a shit load of medcations... pain meds

 

[Charris]

Charris rolled her car, six times I think, in the middle of the desert, and broke almost everything breakable, from neck to foot, on one side of her body. She was SOOOO on drugs.

yes I was on my way to see Dr. K. 3-18-16. I flipped 6 times in the desert in Quartzite and helicopters back to Phoenix. I broke everything except my left leg and left arm. I broke my neck c2 clean in half and broke T7 through 11 in my back and broke everything else including cracking my head to the skull. Only surgery I had though was rod and plate in right arm and shoulder. I'm a miracle many times over. in 3 years almost died twice from malnutrition and once from accident. To be honest if I heard my story about someone else I would say they have Munchausen disease. lol

 

[Charris]

@writegirl

Yes, sorry, she was drugged up POST getting a helicopter ride out of there.

Yup and @Spiky Bugger has taken me on as her personal project since the begging of me with my difficulties with the D'S. She has made it her project to keep my butt alive! Although she has said many times before she only does it because she wants to control me. I'm starting to think she has stock in the life insurance companies i have life insurance with! lol

 

[Spiky Bugger]

... Now I'm off all the dilaudid and have muscle relaxers, Motrin, lidocain patches and cream and more gabapentin with the oxycotin 40mg and oxycodones 15mg.

Okay...listen up! I have a script for 40mg/day of Norco (hydrocodone)...I usually (except when passing kidney stones) take less than half of that...and will not get behind the wheel of a car if I have taken drugs that day. (I take no oxy-anything.) I know that if I am in a car accident that is not my fault, a blood test will MAKE IT MY FAULT. And, we don't have much, but most of it is protected because it is pensions and such.

But you are young and yet have put enough time into your career and your retirement system...and you've failed numerous "suicide attempts"... and, no offense but you are the most reliable person in your family...if you go down the whole fleet sinks... you cannot risk losing it.

I'm dealing with some drug issues now, too. The arthritis varies depending on weather. And because I have Congestive Heart Failure, I need to take diuretics every morning. But because my bladder is messed up, once I take them, my bladder goes into painful spasms. If I take the Norco, I get pretty good pain relief. I also get--or so I'm learning--slowed down digestive processes...food sits too long in the small intestine, bacteria thrives, and I get SIBO and/or IBS-D. Diarrhea. For months and months. Maybe I need to take my OTHER bladder med, but that leaves my arthritis untreated...some days not a big deal, other days...a big deal.

It's a big f'ed up balancing act. But I'm 70. I do not have DECADES of having to deal with this ahead of me. You do. And you absolutely have to protect yourself...medically, legally, career-wise. Pretty please?

 

[k9ophile]

I can afford it i have excellent mental health insurance plus my job gives so many free sessions through our employee assistance program. Before I never thought I needed it

I'm impressed! Most insurance's mental health benefits sucks. You've been through more shit in the few years I've known you than some people experience in a lifetime. That you're still standing and able to laugh about things is a testament to your resilience. I have faith that you'll get trough this just fine. Maybe not as quick as you would prefer, but you'll get there.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I can afford it i have excellent mental health insurance plus my job gives so many free sessions through our employee assistance program. Before I never thought I needed it

Will you list me as your Domestic Partner so I can get free sessions, too?

 

[Charris]

Will you list me as your Domestic Partner so I can get free sessions, too?

You are so crazy Sue!

 

[Charris]

I'm impressed! Most insurance's mental health benefits sucks. You've been through more shit in the few years I've known you than some people experience in a lifetime. That you're still standing and able to laugh about things is a testament to your resilience. I have faith that you'll get trough this just fine. Maybe not as quick as you would prefer, but you'll get there.

well I spoke too soon about my great mental health coverage. Ive been searching for a RTC for my son. Although u get 45 days a year plus no deductible and only 100 copay for entire stay NOBODY WILL ACCEPT MY INSURANCE. THEY ONLY WILL TAKE WELFARE MEDICAL. WTF?? They tell me how great my insurance is and they can't believe it's that great and In the same breath say we only accept ACCCHS. Well go figure! I'm definitely going to be using those free sessions and thank God I don't need an RTC YET! Hopefully I don't get crazier....lol

 

[Spiky Bugger]

well I spoke too soon about my great mental health coverage. Ive been searching for a RTC for my son. Although u get 45 days a year plus no deductible and only 100 copay for entire stay NOBODY WILL ACCEPT MY INSURANCE. THEY ONLY WILL TAKE WELFARE MEDICAL. WTF?? They tell me how great my insurance is and they can't believe it's that great and In the same breath say we only accept ACCCHS. Well go figure! I'm definitely going to be using those free sessions and thank God I don't need an RTC YET! Hopefully I don't get crazier....lol

Okay, I think you can debate this with your insurance and your HR. If you have a policy that SAYS it covers a certain sevice and then has NO in network providers, it is what I--with no legal background at all--would consider something akin to a failure to provide a service they have contracted to provide. Kinda like...writing a policy that covers maternity care and then not having ONE SINGLE OB/GYN who contracts with them.

I wouldn't fight with the providers, but I might get HR to force the insurance co to fulfill its obligation.