Lethargic and depression..is it common?

[LindaDarnell]

So hubby is going into the 8th week of recovery and he's struggling. WE thoroughly researched the surgery..and I thought he had sound understanding of it bc he saw my experience with VSG..good and bad. But with the fast weight loss...he's Lethargic..which i understand. But he's also depressed bc of the vitamin regimen and he's mourning food. I also think he misses his old physique. Ive said b4 that he was a lightweight...had the Ds for diabetes. At 6'1 and 250 , his physique was very muscular build, that hid the devastation diabetes was causing underneath the hood. Now he's long and slim but he looks good! Yet he feels like his identity of strenghth has been taken. His dr has told him once he starts lifting weights again, his muscle tone will recover. He even told him to start asap while he's still in the weight loss phase. But he hasn't yet..he's depressed.
So my question to the DS vets, is this normal...the lethargy and depression..? And if so, how long does it last? He's not like this every day but when he is, it sucks!! I feel like im dealing with a cancer patient going through chemo!!! Im trying to be patient and understanding..but Im a suck it up buttercup kinda girl...so i need advice. Also, im about to have my revision in 2 weeks...i dont want him in a negative energy funk !

**sorry for the typos. Sent from my phone

 

[Settledownnow]

To be honest, I think it would be better for you if you used the board to concentrate on your own DS related needs and encouraged your husband to join BS or another online forum. This way he can speak for himself and describe what he is going through and ask for help if he wants it. I personally would be really upset if my husband, family member, or a friend posted questions in a public forum about me and presumed to know what was going on with me. The WLS journey is a personal one.

DS is a big surgery and includes a period of recovery and that may include some depression and anxiety along the way and concern about the post-surgery lifestyle, body image, and more. Every person is an individual and there is no way to know if he has a history of depression or other personal things that are contributing his current mood. The best thing you can do is calm your own anxiety and get yourself ready for surgery. Support him as best as you can, but keep in mind this is his journey and he needs to be the one to ask for help.

 

[LindaDarnell]

To be honest, I think it would be better for you if you used the board to concentrate on your own DS related needs and encouraged your husband to join BS or another online forum. This way he can speak for himself and describe what he is going through and ask for help if he wants it. I personally would be really upset if my husband, family member, or a friend posted questions in a public forum about me and presumed to know what was going on with me. The WLS journey is a personal one.

DS is a big surgery and includes a period of recovery and that may include some depression and anxiety along the way and concern about the post-surgery lifestyle, body image, and more. Every person is an individual and there is no way to know if he has a history of depression or other personal things that are contributing his current mood. The best thing you can do is calm your own anxiety and get yourself ready for surgery. Support him as best as you can, but keep in mind this is his journey and he needs to be the one to ask for help.

He knows that I post for me and him, and is okay with it and actually encourages me to do so, because unfortunately, he never will. He does occasionally read the boards I've suggested, but he won't join, and definitely will NOT post to ask questions. In this thread, I was really asking for myself so I can get a better of understanding of what he's going through. Is it normal, or not? Like I said, I'm of the mindset that you are the energy you put out. But I don't know if I'm expecting too much from him at this stage or not.

 

[aaa]

I was very depressed at 1 week out and again at 6 weeeks out. I felt frail and wondered what I'd done to myself. Would I ever have energy again? I was always so tired as I could hardly eat anything.

If he'd start with the weights, I think it would give him a sense of mastery regarding something of his "old" life.

 

[Settledownnow]

He knows that I post for me and him, and is okay with it and actually encourages me to do so,

You should encourage him to take responsibility his own health.

 

[Munchkin]

Why is he mourning food? At 8 weeks out he should be able to eat almost anything. And he should be having a huge celebration...he fixed his problem. Probably just needs some time. The change in identity takes some time to get used to. Regaining the muscle, going back to exercise has to be his decision.

 

[LindaDarnell]

Why is he mourning food? At 8 weeks out he should be able to eat almost anything. And he should be having a huge celebration...he fixed his problem. Probably just needs some time. The change in identity takes some time to get used to. Regaining the muscle, going back to exercise has to be his decision.

He is very very carb sensitive...and carb addicted! Breads, pasta, potatoes..any starch...he loves (me too!). But they do not love him , especially after the DS . he's experienced very bad cramping and stools..like a carb flu...the few times he's tried starched. Plus, being a diabetic, he obviously doesnt want to continue with bad food habits that could hurt the progress he's made so far. And he misses large portions! So yeah..he's in mourning. We are deep south native residents where everything is buttered, breaded, fried, and sugared. So he's having to acquire a new understanding of how food tastes good with all of that. He didnt change his diet and mindset when i changed mine after my vsg..so it's a struggle..but we'll get there! Ur absolutely correct that he has to start focusing more on the healing of his new body, and the wonderful progress he's made. Thats what I'm encouraging...

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Wife:
1--for the first eleven weeks post-op, I was pretty sure I was gonna die...and I was depressed about that;
2--he may need treatment for depression, BUT absorbing meds at this point might be problematic;
3--he's not being fair to you. You should be allowed to focus on your own needs...maybe even with help from him...instead of focusing on his needs.
4--you need to "cut him loose" to deal with his surgery all by himself, or cancel your surgery because there will be no one able to care for both of you.


Husband:
1--you didn't have brain surgery, so you have to invest in learning how to cope with this new way of living;
2--it is unfair to your bride that she go into surgery and her own recovery worried about you;
3--we ALL need some kind of support, but you are expecting someone else to do tbe legwork for you;
4--grow a pair (no offense) and figure out how to get the help you need...and, btw, the help you need will involve figuring out what to do when you cannot "feed" your needs with your traditional, suicidal, Southern battered and fried crap. You CAN still eat that, but you will be sick all the time. It IS your choice, though.
5--if you don't get help, understand that some people have found GOOD ways to cope with these life changes, while others have switched to booze, gambling, sex addiction, tbat kind of crap. Again, though, your choice.

Sue
...who always beats around the bush like this...

 

[LindaDarnell]

Wife:
1--for the first eleven weeks post-op, I was pretty sure I was gonna die...and I was depressed about that;
2--he may need treatment for depression, BUT absorbing meds at this point might be problematic;
3--he's not being fair to you. You should be allowed to focus on your own needs...maybe even with help from him...instead of focusing on his needs.
4--you need to "cut him loose" to deal with his surgery all by himself, or cancel your surgery because there will be no one able to care for both of you.


Husband:
1--you didn't have brain surgery, so you have to invest in learning how to cope with this new way of living;
2--it is unfair to your bride that she go into surgery and her own recovery worried about you;
3--we ALL need some kind of support, but you are expecting someone else to do tbe legwork for you;
4--grow a pair (no offense) and figure out how to get the help you need...and, btw, the help you need will involve figuring out what to do when you cannot "feed" your needs with your traditional, suicidal, Southern battered and fried crap. You CAN still eat that, but you will be sick all the time. It IS your choice, though.
5--if you don't get help, understand that some people have found GOOD ways to cope with these life changes, while others have switched to booze, gambling, sex addiction, tbat kind of crap. Again, though, your choice.

Sue
...who always beats around the bush like this...

 This literally made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!! So funny but also so very on point!!! Very good advice and gets my vote for best post of the day!!!!!!!! THANK YOU

 

[-Flo-]

I suggest therapy. Getting the DS is a huge life changing event and it sounds like he is having trouble coping. If he would consider someone to talk to, it could help alot. Also for mild depression exercise is just as effective as medication. So hit the gym!

 

[BayouSwitch]

So sorry for your troubles. As a DS patient myself I thoroughly understand the state of confusion and upset that can happen after a huge, life altering surgery. I had some complications that required an immediate second surgery, so I definitely had the feeling of Oh God what did I do to myself for a while. I think for most people the depression and frustration eventually passes. Hoping that your hubby will perk up soon.