Brandy Rediker
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2014
- Messages
- 61
Hello, it's been over 4 yrs since I've joined this group. My surgery was on Nov. 4, 2014. I need to talk and get some things off my chest. For about 3 yrs I've been suffering with Manic depression and over the past year its spiral almost out of control. I am in 20 mg of Trintellix. Now on a daily basis I think about suicide. I've not tried to hurt myself because of the fear of what it would do to my children. They are what keeps my face above the water. But it doesnt stop me from thinking about it.
I have become so addicted to drinking sodas all day long, I'm like a alcoholic who cant go without their alcohol. I started smoking cigarettes 3 yrs ago to help me cope with my depression. I've gained 80 lbs of the 100 I lost.
I have absolutely no support from my husband. He doesnt care if I have my protein shakes, my vitamins or protein for the whole day. His thoughts are it cost to much to buy for 3 meals a day. He only wants to buy dinner and that's it. So I pretty much eat my proteins for dinner. He has changed so much over the last 4 yrs. He was all for my surgery and we use to struggle with getting my vitamins but he would work extra hours so we could get them. Then it all changed when I got down to 200 lbs. He wanted me back up to where I was before surgery.
Now on to my mother. I have been taking care of her for 10 yrs. She refuses to do anything for herself. She had the surgery right after me. She lost all her weight, and when everyone started commenting on how well she was getting around she stopped everything and gained all her weight back. She has always guilt tripped me my whole life. Her favorite saying is "God is going to take me away from you" or "When I die your gonna regret treating me this way". I try talking to her and telling her my problems and how I think about suicide all the time. What does she do but go back and tell my dad. What happens the next morning he jumps me for upsetting my mom about the suicidal thoughts. I am full of guilt for everything I do. She is always putting me down for the way I raise .y kids. I'm not a good enough mother in her eyes. She gets my oldest daughter talking about me putting thoughts in her head. I just cant deal with that.
I feel lost and alone all the time. I have so many emotions running through my head. I just wish I could stop thinking. Sleep all day. That's another thing she tells me. I'm not allowed to take naps. I'm to young for naps and I'm suppose to spend all day with her.
Could someone be my angel? Someone who will help me get back on track to support me in giving up my sodas? Get back to taking my vitamins daily and make sure I'm eating breakfast, lunch and dinner? Someone who I can talk to?
Thank you
Brandy
I have become so addicted to drinking sodas all day long, I'm like a alcoholic who cant go without their alcohol. I started smoking cigarettes 3 yrs ago to help me cope with my depression. I've gained 80 lbs of the 100 I lost.
I have absolutely no support from my husband. He doesnt care if I have my protein shakes, my vitamins or protein for the whole day. His thoughts are it cost to much to buy for 3 meals a day. He only wants to buy dinner and that's it. So I pretty much eat my proteins for dinner. He has changed so much over the last 4 yrs. He was all for my surgery and we use to struggle with getting my vitamins but he would work extra hours so we could get them. Then it all changed when I got down to 200 lbs. He wanted me back up to where I was before surgery.
Now on to my mother. I have been taking care of her for 10 yrs. She refuses to do anything for herself. She had the surgery right after me. She lost all her weight, and when everyone started commenting on how well she was getting around she stopped everything and gained all her weight back. She has always guilt tripped me my whole life. Her favorite saying is "God is going to take me away from you" or "When I die your gonna regret treating me this way". I try talking to her and telling her my problems and how I think about suicide all the time. What does she do but go back and tell my dad. What happens the next morning he jumps me for upsetting my mom about the suicidal thoughts. I am full of guilt for everything I do. She is always putting me down for the way I raise .y kids. I'm not a good enough mother in her eyes. She gets my oldest daughter talking about me putting thoughts in her head. I just cant deal with that.
I feel lost and alone all the time. I have so many emotions running through my head. I just wish I could stop thinking. Sleep all day. That's another thing she tells me. I'm not allowed to take naps. I'm to young for naps and I'm suppose to spend all day with her.
Could someone be my angel? Someone who will help me get back on track to support me in giving up my sodas? Get back to taking my vitamins daily and make sure I'm eating breakfast, lunch and dinner? Someone who I can talk to?
Thank you
Brandy