Because skinny bitches

[writegirl]

The article below "Fat but fit is a big fat myth" was posted by one of my skinny friends with this status above it: "even if you're in good health now, some compelling reasons to plan for the future by shedding extra pounds."

He didn't tag me, but he definitely aimed his fat-shaming at anyone in his friend feed who is *not* skinny. A few things here burn me. One, he's a scholar and he should know better than to post "findings" of any studies that, as the article states, have not yet been published. Published means peer-reviewed and vetted under scrutiny by other researchers. So, yeah, that burns me. Two, the glibness of his comment that us fatties should learn to "plan for the future" as if we don't.

It's exactly this kind of BS post that makes me want to scream in his face that I AM planning and, in fact, re-routing my intestinal tract, butchering my stomach, and committing to a lifetime of malabsorption to address my weight issues. By the way asshole, what is the most difficult thing you ever had to do to manage your weight?

But, I won't. I'll just rant here and try to forget that a person I consider a friend can be so insensitive.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-39936138

 

[harrietvane]

On The Other Site, someone posted a thread about helping their children and teenagers with weight issues. Despite people who themselves have struggled with weight all their lives, the responses were overwhelmingly about eating less and moving more...despite it clearly not having worked for them. Even for obese people, challenging 'common wisdom' is a continual process.

People who have been thin or average all their life don't really 'get it' - but a lot of obese people themselves still see fat as a moral, rather than physiological, failing.

 

[JackieOnLine]

straight up stupidity and meanness, have you considered unfollowing this person?

 

[bearmom]

The article below "Fat but fit is a big fat myth" was posted by one of my skinny friends with this status above it: "even if you're in good health now, some compelling reasons to plan for the future by shedding extra pounds."

He didn't tag me, but he definitely aimed his fat-shaming at anyone in his friend feed who is *not* skinny. A few things here burn me. One, he's a scholar and he should know better than to post "findings" of any studies that, as the article states, have not yet been published. Published means peer-reviewed and vetted under scrutiny by other researchers. So, yeah, that burns me. Two, the glibness of his comment that us fatties should learn to "plan for the future" as if we don't.

It's exactly this kind of BS post that makes me want to scream in his face that I AM planning and, in fact, re-routing my intestinal tract, butchering my stomach, and committing to a lifetime of malabsorption to address my weight issues. By the way asshole, what is the most difficult thing you ever had to do to manage your weight?

But, I won't. I'll just rant here and try to forget that a person I consider a friend can be so insensitive.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-39936138

I also think unfollowing them is wise. If I see ignorant or antagonistic posts enough, it's easier to just unfollow or delete them. If they ask why I deleted them, I'm usually happy to tell them why.

 

[hilary1617]

I would unfollow. Even if you think you're friends now, limiting exposure to those who engage in fat-shaming is a sufficiently compelling reason to plan for the future by shedding unkind persons from your inner circle. You deserve better.

 

[writegirl]

Here's the thing: I don't think he realizes he is fat shaming. This is the problem with normies, they have no clue. I think they just get used to the social stigma of MOB and they regurgitate the language of marginalization without being aware they are doing it. The guy who posted that is a great colleague and long time friend. He and his wife have taught all over the world and he generally has a very liberal and inclusive worldview. That is why reading that post stung so badly. Because if he can't see that he's fat shaming, maybe there will never be any change in attitudes toward the obese. It makes me angry.

 

[southernlady]

Here's the thing: I don't think he realizes he is fat shaming. This is the problem with normies, they have no clue. I think they just get used to the social stigma of MOB and they regurgitate the language of marginalization without being aware they are doing it. The guy who posted that is a great colleague and long time friend. He and his wife have taught all over the world and he generally has a very liberal and inclusive worldview. That is why reading that post stung so badly. Because if he can't see that he's fat shaming, maybe there will never be any change in attitudes toward the obese. It makes me angry.

Then maybe, after a few days, you sit down and chat with him about how it made you feel. Explain that you know the feelings are yours but that it hurt coming from a friend.

 

[writegirl]

Then maybe, after a few days, you sit down and chat with him about how it made you feel. Explain that you know the feelings are yours but that it hurt coming from a friend.

Good advise! I just wish I felt strong enough to be proactive in this matter. And, by strong enough, I mean strictly emotionally non-vulnerable. Maybe after I have my surgery and feel like I am on "the other side" of the MOB mindset, I'll be able to face down my friends and colleagues who say and do such insensitive things. Right now, I am often overlooked or just plain invisible when it comes to the way some colleagues treat me. It's something I have to get over and get past before I open myself to potential ridicule by confronting any one of them on something like this.

 

[Munchkin]

I was angrier about this stuff postop probably because I had been fat all my life and I just thought it was 'normal'.

The experience that changed it all for me was, strangely enough, an oil change. I lived in rural Minnesota at the time and I had been taking my car to the same place for years. I worked nights so I usually went in the early morning on my way home. Always the same crew. They knew me. I drove a bright yellow beetle. Hard to miss.

Something was different. They opened my car door for me and ran ahead to open the door to the waiting room. They offered me a cup of coffee and a magazine. They were falling all over themselves being attentive. WTF is up with this? They finished my car in record time and repeated the door things again!

At first I was confused. Then the lightning bolt of clarity hit. I had lost enough weight to be visible. Wow! This was how normal women were always treated. Well, knock me down. I had no idea. For about a minute I though that was pretty great. Then I got mad and dammit I was never going to be kind to a male human again. I did stay mad for a time then someone pointed out to me that these people were totally unaware of how they acted. It's like they are just hardwired to treat fat women differently than normal sized women. The scientist in me then went on to extrapolate it may well have something to do with them seeing normal sized women as potential partners. Biology, preservation of the species and all that.

Maybe true and maybe not but I got over it in time. You can't hold people responsible for things they don't know they do. Then later on that same week I stopped at the local grocery store, Maus Foods, and a female cashier I had known for years asked me if I had cancer. Perceptions, Men and women perceive things differently! Fatties and normies perceive things differently!

 

[writegirl]

To be honest, it would hurt me more if my boyfriend starts treating me differently in some way after I lose than it will when everyone else starts doing it. I expect it from the normie world. I lived among them when I was in my early 20's for a time. Of course, I was bulimic and I worked out like six hours a day to be able to wear the normie skin. But, I passed. I remember what it was like to be visible. Unlike the people who don't see me or only see MOB as the signifier for "me," my boyfriend sees MOB me as beautiful. He likes women who are plumper, curvier. So, after I lose weight, if he suddenly starts acting like I am BOOM more attractive, or worse, less attractive, that will bother me. I don't suspect he will do any of that, but it could happen. He's supportive of my decision to do this, but it is in a different way that my fat-shaming family or friends (those who know). They're always like "Oh you're going to look so beautiful!" My boyfriend tells me I am already beautiful but he does worry about my health so if it makes me healthier, he supports it.

Can I hold it against those who are clueless about how they treat me? No. I guess not. But I won't forget it either.

 

[Munchkin]

To be honest, it would hurt me more if my boyfriend starts treating me differently in some way after I lose than it will when everyone else starts doing it. I expect it from the normie world. I lived among them when I was in my early 20's for a time. Of course, I was bulimic and I worked out like six hours a day to be able to wear the normie skin. But, I passed. I remember what it was like to be visible. Unlike the people who don't see me or only see MOB as the signifier for "me," my boyfriend sees MOB me as beautiful. He likes women who are plumper, curvier. So, after I lose weight, if he suddenly starts acting like I am BOOM more attractive, or worse, less attractive, that will bother me. I don't suspect he will do any of that, but it could happen. He's supportive of my decision to do this, but it is in a different way that my fat-shaming family or friends (those who know). They're always like "Oh you're going to look so beautiful!" My boyfriend tells me I am already beautiful but he does worry about my health so if it makes me healthier, he supports it.

Can I hold it against those who are clueless about how they treat me? No. I guess not. But I won't forget it either.

You will be amazed because you get smarter too!!!!

 

[JuliaDS]

You will be amazed because you get smarter too!!!!

Actually, this is what pi**es me off the most!! I don't mind people holding doors for me now or smiling more and being nicer, or even falling over themselves to get my attention. Its them finally noticing that I have a brain, when it's been there all along and we couldn't have accomplished half of what has been accomplished without my brain, that gets me. And no one notices or acknowledges the difference - it just doesn't register. Amazing...

 

[Spiky Bugger]

To be honest, it would hurt me more if my boyfriend starts treating me differently in some way after I lose than it will when everyone else starts doing it. I expect it from the normie world. I lived among them when I was in my early 20's for a time. Of course, I was bulimic and I worked out like six hours a day to be able to wear the normie skin. But, I passed. I remember what it was like to be visible. Unlike the people who don't see me or only see MOB as the signifier for "me," my boyfriend sees MOB me as beautiful. He likes women who are plumper, curvier. So, after I lose weight, if he suddenly starts acting like I am BOOM more attractive, or worse, less attractive, that will bother me. I don't suspect he will do any of that, but it could happen. He's supportive of my decision to do this, but it is in a different way that my fat-shaming family or friends (those who know). They're always like "Oh you're going to look so beautiful!" My boyfriend tells me I am already beautiful but he does worry about my health so if it makes me healthier, he supports it.

Can I hold it against those who are clueless about how they treat me? No. I guess not. But I won't forget it either.

But...you might want to consider that the post-op you may just be behaving a bit more...looking for a word here...provocatively(?). After significant weight loss, you will stand differently, walk differently...you might notice that your gait is suddenly closer to sashay than waddle...and people respond to that non-verbal language in which YOU are communicating.

And you might scare him, too. One night, my husband sat bolt-upright in bed in a visibly startled condition. He had rolled over, plopped his arm over me as he usually did and encountered a hip bone. The woman he was supposed to be sleeping with had not had an obvious hip bone right there, so...who the hell was in his bed!?!

Anyway, we change more than numbers on the scale and what stores we can shop in.