Weight-Loss Surgery, Why All the Judgment?

southernlady

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Weight-Loss Surgery, Why All the Judgment?
05/12/2016 08:46 am ET
Beth Bianca Founder of LadiesInWeighting.com, Certified Life Coach, Bariatric Patient

The other day something happened that made me stop and think. Why had I automatically replied “no” when someone asked if I had weight-loss surgery? Without thinking a second, that was my reaction. But the truth is that I did have the surgery. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was admitting that. Only my close friends, family and, of course, the people who read my blog and Facebook pages knew.

Yes, you read that right. I’ve been sharing my story in a blog and with the Bariatric Community on Facebook. That is why I was so shocked that my first response was to answer “no” so quickly. It was like I felt ashamed to let people where I live know that I had weight-loss surgery. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was indeed the case.

I’m not alone either. There is a secret society of weight-loss achievers who are afraid to let anyone know that they have had surgery. Of course, there are some people who will shout it from the rooftops, which is great. But, there are an awful lot of us who would rather keep it a private matter.

Why not keep it private? We don’t go around sharing all our medical conditions with everyone around us. So, it makes sense that not everyone would want to share this as well. But, I wanted to dig further to see why I felt ashamed for getting the help I needed. What I found was a bit disturbing and also answered my question.

The University of New South Wales in Australia conducted a study. They found, “Participants rated an individual who lost weight through surgery as significantly more lazy and sloppy, less competent and sociable, less attractive, and having less healthy eating habits.” They went on to conclude that participants viewed weight-loss surgery patients as less responsible for their weight loss.

Another study by Robert A. Carles published in the Springer’s Obesity Surgery journal found that employers were less likely to hire someone who lost weight with surgery instead of diet and exercise. The reason, the study found, is weight-loss surgery was often regarded as a “quick fix” and obese people were regarded as “lazy and undisciplined.”

Those studies were not the only things I found. There are pages of bariatric patients being ridiculed for their decisions to have surgery. Here is a quote from one article in particular in the Miami New Times: “Someone who decides that having a surgeon cut them open and rearrange or modify their insides is easier than eating less and exercising more? It’s just lazy. And if you’re too lazy to cut calories and exercise, you don’t deserve to be skinny.” The writer then goes on to say, “Before I get a ton of comments about how some people are so obese they don’t have a choice — chill, please. You’re the type of person who enables drug addicts and criminals. . . . if the fattest man on Earth can say no to food and yes to exercise, so can all of the self-indulgent, overweight, spineless jellyfish who take the easy way out.”

People definitely have some strong views about weight-loss surgery being an easy way out or that weight loss doesn’t really count if surgery was involved. I had to stop reading because I was getting physically sick from seeing what ill-informed know-it-alls were spewing across the web.

In 2013, the AMA voted to declare obesity a disease. Obesity is so much more than diet and exercise. People who have not been obese have no idea what we have been going through for most of our lives. How sad that some people can be so judgmental. Obese people are judged for being overweight, and then they are judged for the way they lose their weight. Some people, obviously, just can’t be pleased. But, why are they so hateful?

What the general population doesn’t understand is that weight-loss surgery is a tool to help obese people lose weight. Without changing our diet and habits, the surgery doesn’t work. So to say it’s the easy way out is simplistic and misguided. Besides the physical surgery, there is a mental change that has to occur. Old habits need to be replaced with new healthy habits. And, emotional issues need to be addressed. Yes, the process even includes changing what we eat and how we move our bodies. This good old “gold” standard of diet and exercise is included. However, it is only one piece of the puzzle.

If everyone knew that weight-loss surgery is not a magic pill, maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to judge those who need the surgery. It would be like telling a construction worker that using a power saw is cheating because they are not sawing wood by hand. Or, that using a washing machine to clean their clothes doesn’t count because they should be using a washboard instead. Or, if you drive an automatic transmission, you are lazy because everyone knows that driving a stick-shift transmission is the only way a car should be driven. How absurd would that be?

Like using any “tool,” the results of weight loss surgery vary. Some people use the tool better than others. But, from my experience, it not only changed my life, it saved my life. My father always told me that with the proper tool you can do anything. Now I know it’s true.

Will you help me to educate people? Weight-loss surgery isn’t the easy way out. The stigma is real and people who absolutely require the surgery need all the help they can get to become healthy, productive people again.

You can find Beth at LadiesInWeighting.com and connect with her on Facebook.
 
I find this absurd! I could care less what other people think! I had surgery because I've tried and tried to lose weight on my own. My life has been a up and down vicious circle of weight loss and gain. I finally hit a time in my life were my joints couldn't take it anymore. My blood pressure was going through the roof and my labs were getting worse. I was able to carry the extra weight for years with little trouble but as I got older I knew I needed to get it off and keep it off. I am not shy about telling people about my surgery and have not had one person say anything bad to me about it. Most people are more curious about it then anything. Remember people you had this surgery for your health!
 
For me, it is shame. From "fatty,fatty" in the playground to "why don't you push yourself away from the table" at home, I have spent a lifetime in shame because of society's judgement of obesity and even greater shame from super obesity. Now that I am normal weight, I have told my husband I feel like a fat person in drag, pretending to be thin. I will always be obese in my head, but I don't want new people in my life to judge me as having been so fat that I needed surgery. I hide the hanging skin on my arms and thighs, I don't over share my medical history, and I am silent when I hear people criticize or make fun of overweight people. On a flight recently, my seat mate confided that he was worried that the very overweight man in line would take the seat and relieved it was me instead. Someone in my neighborhood asked me if I bought the house from the very fat woman who used to live there. I don't feel I could make a difference in these peoples attitudes by revealing my secret . And I am relieved to "pass" as normal weight and avoid their shame and judgement that I would feel if I shared my superobese past. I am sorry if I offend those who think I should be a warrior for acceptance of bariatric surgery. I have pictures in my house of the fat-me and if someone comments I say that was a woman I used to know. Kind of true.
 
wow, this is a very thought provoking discussion. I have been very open this time about my surgery - I kept my lapband surgery to myself. So far - knock wood - I have not had any negative comments made - that I am aware - of related to having surgery. For me, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - I lost weight lots of time but could not keep it off - till it eventually got to the point that my metabolism was so messed up that I could no longer lose.

@KathrynK I respect your right to privacy and need to not tell anyone - but your story sounds like what it was for me living in the closet and it is a sad and lonely place. Please take this with the respect that is intended. - It honestly feels like you are ashamed of yourself that you had surgery and want to keep it hidden. I think your decision to take care of yourself and do what is right is very brave! Thats all I'll say, because I really do respect your right.

no, we dont need to shout it from the roof tops - but for me I suffered for many many years and my only regret is that I did not do it sooner. Now, I also know that my mind was not ready for the immense change till now. but I find myself wanting to tell people at walmart or doctors offices or whereever that there is hope. Thankfully I don't - I figure it would be like the Jesus people trying to convert me at the same places. :)

ok, better shut up now. . .
 
I have pictures in my house of the fat-me and if someone comments I say that was a woman I used to know. Kind of true.
Wow.

I do not tell anyone about my WLS. Only my husband knows. It's private.

I secretly hope that the obese man will not be seated next to me on the plane. I don;t hate the man -- I have empathy for him -- but I don;t want him encroaching on my seat.

But I am not silent when someone makes fun of the obese, any more than I am silent when someone disparages someone of a different race, religion, sexual preference or gender. Silence connotes acceptance and I do not accept any of that.
 
It is a personal matter for each individual what they do and do not want to disclose about Bariatric surgery. Personally, I feel obligated to tell others (who ask or say, wow you look great) about the DS and to let them know that I believe it is the only Bariatric surgery I would ever consider. I think everybody knows somebody who would benefit from a DS and maybe if the right person hears about it then it will peek their curiosity to look into options. I never would have even known about the DS unless a coworker had the procedure a year before and we discussed it (I asked him about it). I had reached the decision that I needed to find something because my diabetes was starting to spiral out of control so when I heard of the DS and started researching it I quickly realized that it was exactly what I needed.

Again, this is my personal decision and each individual has to do what feels right for them as far as what they share and with whom.
 
For me, it is shame. From "fatty,fatty" in the playground to "why don't you push yourself away from the table" at home, I have spent a lifetime in shame because of society's judgement of obesity and even greater shame from super obesity. Now that I am normal weight, I have told my husband I feel like a fat person in drag, pretending to be thin. I will always be obese in my head, but I don't want new people in my life to judge me as having been so fat that I needed surgery. I hide the hanging skin on my arms and thighs, I don't over share my medical history, and I am silent when I hear people criticize or make fun of overweight people. On a flight recently, my seat mate confided that he was worried that the very overweight man in line would take the seat and relieved it was me instead. Someone in my neighborhood asked me if I bought the house from the very fat woman who used to live there. I don't feel I could make a difference in these peoples attitudes by revealing my secret . And I am relieved to "pass" as normal weight and avoid their shame and judgement that I would feel if I shared my superobese past. I am sorry if I offend those who think I should be a warrior for acceptance of bariatric surgery. I have pictures in my house of the fat-me and if someone comments I say that was a woman I used to know. Kind of true.

@KathrynK I'm sorry you have been made to feel that way. People can be very insensitive. A holes
 
I want to tell EVERYONE about my surgeries even if they didn't ask. I have 3 friends and 4 family members who had surgery because I had it and talk to them about it. My daughter now wants to have it. I don't want people to waste excess time being fat. When I see SMO people I want to go up to them and be like I looked just like you but look at me now. I then feel like saying you too could look like this. But since I realize that would be extremely rude for me to assume they are unhappy or to assume that they would want to be Skinner I just look and go on about my business.
 
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If I broke my leg, should I be ashamed I had to go get a cast? If I had a heart attack, should I hide the fact they had to put in a stent to save my life? If I have high blood pressure, should I refuse to take the pill because I need to be able to fix it on my own?

One more time. Obesity is a disease, not a character flaw. If this was not true, diets would work. Calories in VS calories expended don't you know!

That Biggest Loser study proves the point quite nicely. Those poor people needed up to 800 calories less per day to maintain their weight than a 'normal' person. They were doomed to fail. The only way they could be successful would be to live on a starvation diet and spend hours in the gym every day for the rest of their lives. This is not normal. This is a disease. A disease that should be treated to the extent that treatment is available. And trying to spend 5 hours a day in the gym and live on a 400 calorie diet is not a sustainable option. The physiological, psychological, financial, and social consequences of trying to live like this are staggering.

Is there anyone here who hasn't lost 100 pounds? 1, 3, 5, or 10+ times? It takes godlike will power to lose 100 pounds. We are superhuman. We can and do live for years on a can of tuna and a lettuce leaf. None of those methane blowing anus heads smugly handing out diet advice have accomplished these feats of superhuman strength and yogi like deprivation. Why do we hang on their every word and spend billions on whatever snake oil they pimp?

One of the reasons I have no children is obesity. I didn't need a PhD in Genetics to figure out it was likely my progeny would be fat. And I didn't want to inflict that pain on anyone.

So here I am dragging my broken leg behind me. I am ashamed I couldn't fix it on my own. I failed and you didn't. Somehow this makes YOU feel better and validates your superiority. And I'm sure YOU have some weight loss advice that will change my life. You won't hesitate to share THAT with me.

The real answer to obesity is going to be a pill. A pill that hasn't been discovered yet. Fingers crossed it happens soon! Who will they marginalize next? Me personally, I propose the next group we need to hate is all the people who need to have someone to look down on to feel good about themselves. It would be hard but we could do it. We have superpowers they can't even imagine. We are strong.
 

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