Weight Loss...it's more than just physical

[Razbry]

I wanted to start a thread about this. We all get to obesity through our own life story. Along the way we suffer much. It's amazing what the general public feels entitled to say and do to the obese. We have all been deeply cut to our souls by others. And for me, that wasn't even half as bad as the self loathing I heaped upon myself. It was hard to mentally reconcile that I was an intelligent, educated woman with an inglorious first world problem of being too fat. I just wanted to get on with my life without being chained to my shame of food. I'm still working towards that goal, even though the excess weight has long departed. My choice is to believe what I have gone through makes me the better person I am today. It's a process.

I want to share one woman's story. I was moved by what she had to say. We are not alone.

http://hackedtime.com/2015/02/28/my-weight-loss-surgery-didnt-fix-my-bad-relationship-with-food/

 

[JackieOnLine]

I haven't had time to read the link yet but I want to thank you for posting it - in general, I don't think enough attention is paid to the non-physical stuff.

there are people here who don't have eating disorders, for whom surgery is all they need to fix their broken metabolism, but there are others like me.

WLS helped me, but it didn't fix me either. that's an on-going project.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Saw that a few days ago, I wish it didn't resonate with me. Worst part is that when I talk to people about it, I often get the "but you're so little now, you're fine" type response. Boo

 

[newanatomy]

It makes me sad that even though she know she has a disorder she has not gone for help. There must be something available to her even if it is just online.

I think we all struggle with food issues. My struggle is not with binge eating. Mine is that I always feel hungry, even post-DS. I try to make good choices, doesn't always happen.

 

[JackieOnLine]

Saw that a few days ago, I wish it didn't resonate with me. Worst part is that when I talk to people about it, I often get the "but you're so little now, you're fine" type response. Boo

so, what do you say that makes them say you must be "fine" because of your (new) size?

I think we all struggle with food issues.

I certainly do - not sure how many of us, though. like, what percentage. I consider I have a full blown Eating Disorder (ED, the bastard!) but ....well, hang on.

wait, I misread that - you don't have an ED but you are always hungry? the DS was supposed to fix that.

if I learned to eat only when I was hungry I wonder what size I would be?

 

[brooklyngirl]

so, what do you say that makes them say you must be "fine" because of your (new) size?

Just how much I struggle with feeling like I have no control over my thoughts and actions when it comes to food, and I get a lot of "but you don't have to worry about it anymore, as long as you're losing, who cares?" or "but normal people eat things they're not supposed to, you're just normal now" or the best- "but aren't you cured now?" as though being a normal size makes me now automatically able to control myself or something (although that last one was said by the most stupid of my friends, lol). I've not been "diagnosed" since I don't like going to a psychiatrist and having them hand me prescriptions as answers to my issues, but I'm fairly certain that I have an eating disorder. I'm currently seeing a therapist and *trying* to give OA a shot with an open mind

 

[JackieOnLine]

I get exactly what you mean. I remember posting Over tHere when I was newly post op because I had been having Popsicles (sugar free? I am not sure) recreationally.

I knew what I meant: it felt different than when I was having a popsicle because I wanted one or felt hungry and could tolerate it or I was getting in my fluid. I was having it because I was BORED or FRUSTRATED or something else. Not Cool.

but the other posters totally poo-poo'ed this - couple of popsicles can't hurt you. or even, it's OK if your doctor says it's OK!!! entirely missing the point.

how is OA going for you, have you been going to meetings?

 

[JackieOnLine]

finally finished the link from the OP, GEEZ, I think she would have been better off with a VSG, it's much better than a plication but she thought:

No foreign object inserted, no part of my stomach taken out, no organ rerouted.



I wonder if I can find the author of that? invite her here?

ETA: pretty easy to find, I sent her a facebook friend request and a personal e-mail. hope that's not too stalkery...

 

[Razbry]

I'll go on record that OA was one of the "weight loss" attempts I made in the past. No one seemed to lose any weight. Lots of soul searching and effort to right wrongs of the past. I thought, in the end, we were all too different in the how and the why we were obese. Another approach was the effort to pray it away through Weigh Down Workshop. If I couldn't lose weight with the help of God...what did that make me? The emotional grinder that obesity puts you through...well dang, I darn right proud of how well so many of us come through. I no longer beat myself up emotionally when I catch myself eating when I really do not need to eat. I'm thinking now that this is part of the imperfect human experience. The blessing is that I don't have to carry that imperfection around on my body anymore.

 

[brooklyngirl]

First of all, @JackieOnLine , you freekin rock, I love that you stalked her and invited her here!

As far as OA, I've gone to a few meetings, probably every other week or so for the past couple months, but I have a few problems with it...

1- I'm not religious. I know they say the whole "God, or your understanding of him" thing. And state specifically that they're not about religion, but I still struggle with it. It's a very small group and when I brought this up, I got a lot of answers about HOW to find my relationship with god, not what I was really asking- how to do this OA journey WITHOUT a relationship with god. I guess I consider myself an agnostic, I'm not an atheist, I do believe in a higher power, but I don't know what that is, I question too much, and I'm not interesting in defining it right now.

2- is kind if related, just a different aspect, but the whole "I'm powerless" thing. The thing is that I ALREADY FEEL FUCKING POWERLESS! I want to get my power back, not give it away even further. I don't get the whole notion of putting the power in the hands of god (or whatever manifestation) because then if you fail, who's to blame?

I also don't really wanna have a stranger as a sponsor. I get the reason for it, it's just not something I'm going to do before I eat a bunch of cookies. I also understand that friends or family may not be as firm as a sponsor would be if I called them (I know my husband isn't and when he is I wanna stab him, lol) so I *get it* and don't at the same time. Maybe I should restart he daily food log on here. Not as a thing for anyone to give advice on, per se, but more for my own accountability? Ya know, now that I think about that, whatever happened to Huneypie? I just tried to tag her and it didn't work. Hmmm

But yeah, that's where I'm at

 

[newanatomy]

I certainly do - not sure how many of us, though. like, what percentage. I consider I have a full blown Eating Disorder (ED, the bastard!) but ....well, hang on.

wait, I misread that - you don't have an ED but you are always hungry? the DS was supposed to fix that.

if I learned to eat only when I was hungry I wonder what size I would be?

I am not sure it is always hunger, feels like hunger! I know sometimes it's boredom. I am counting on my DS to "save me from myself" because I usually choose protein to eat. I, like @brooklyngirl, wish I had more control. Sometimes I say to myself "you are not having food right now!" then, I find myself in the kitchen getting food. I do pretty well during the day, night time is horrible! I basically want to eat from dinner time till bed time.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I think evenings are the worst, for sure. also there is a bad time right after work....but the later, the worse, frankly.

many is the day I have done well right up until the hour before bed when I suddenly have a bowl or two of cereal or some such.

 

[SHales]

WLS did fix me. I dieted for 40 years and cannot imagine what I would have weighed if I had not. I gained weight on an 800 calorie a day diet. Once I had WLS the playing field was leveled. To be honest, pre-DS, there were times that I gave up and ate a half a bag of Oreos but that only lasted while I was eating them. I would go right back to dieting and beating myself up over the Oreos. Now the thought of 1 Oreo gags me, all the chemicals, I think. I eat like a "normie" other than more protein which automatically limits carbs. I don't think about food much other than deciding what to eat when I am hungry. I eat, it's over. I am so grateful that the DS fixed my body's reaction to food.

 

[newanatomy]

WLS did fix me. I dieted for 40 years and cannot imagine what I would have weighed if I had not. I gained weight on an 800 calorie a day diet. Once I had WLS the playing field was leveled. To be honest, pre-DS, there were times that I gave up and ate a half a bag of Oreos but that only lasted while I was eating them. I would go right back to dieting and beating myself up over the Oreos. Now the thought of 1 Oreo gags me, all the chemicals, I think. I eat like a "normie" other than more protein which automatically limits carbs. I don't think about food much other than deciding what to eat when I am hungry. I eat, it's over. I am so grateful that the DS fixed my body's reaction to food.

You are very lucky indeed. I feel lucky too. I know I am going to be able to maintain a good weight for myself.

 

[Munchkin]

Everyone has their own path to fat. I was more like @SHales than the woman who wrote the article. I will be the first to admit I don't really understand eating disorders. Although several times in my life people tried to convince me I had to have one because I was fat. Realizing I didn't have one was one of the things that made me interested in surgery.

One of the most interesting and revealing things I ever did was sit down and write out a weight history. Everything I remembered or had been told about my dieting/fat life.