So many things come to mind - fortunately, as many problems as I have with my mother, this was not one of them (although I do blame her for my initial transition from plumpish to obese when I was in high school, which was because she took me to a "health food doctor" to try to treat my thyroid problems, and the quack told her to take me off thyroxine cold turkey and I gained 30 lbs in one month - she had good intentions but was stupid about science and medicine, and was looking for a natural fix for the genetic weight issues most of us had).
Anyway, my first thought was that you should write her an email or letter that goes something like this:
Dear Mom,
After our recent phone conversation - which I found extremely upsetting and offensive, as I always do when you inevitably and compulsively comment about my body - I wrote on a private support message board a long emotional essay about what I have experienced my whole life with you regarding these issues. I did not write it intending for you to read it, but members of this board - who have also struggled with their weight and the emotional issues which accompany being judged their whole lives - encouraged me to send this to you, raw and unedited, as it came directly from my heart.
[insert your post]
I have reached a point in my life, finally, where I no longer feel the need to tolerate your abuse, whether or not it was "intentional." To the extent that you are somehow cluelessly unaware of the nature of the pervasive hateful abuse you have inflicted upon me and my sister, and have transmitted and endorsed the "normality" of such behavior to my brother, I consider this essay your official notice that what you have done and continue to do is unacceptable and intolerable, and that you must cease and desist IMMEDIATELY.
If this essay does not move you to be shocked, appalled and horrified at what you have done to me and my sister our entire lives, and at least ACKNOWLEDGE (if not profusely and heartfeltly apologize for) this, and promise to never EVER let another comment about my body (positive OR negative - I don't want to hear ANYTHING from you on this topic!) escape your mouth ever again, I am afraid that I will not be attending Thanksgiving or any other event with you ever again, with the possible exception of your funeral.
Words matter - and can hurt far worse than sticks and stones. I am done with your casual cruelty, and will not allow you to hurt me or your granddaughter (who of COURSE has been aware of the appalling things you say since she was a child) ever again.
I acknowledge that by not saying anything before, I was complicit in allowing you to do this. But no more.
Think before you respond. I don't want to hear your self-serving justifications and explanations - you MUST simply accept that what you have done has been hurtful and destructive, whether you meant it or not, promise to never mention this issue ever again, and preferably but not necessarily (because I suspect you are incapable of doing so honestly), apologize for the hurt you have caused.
I love you, and always will. But I hope you love me enough to STOP, and make the rest of our years together loving - and indeed possible at all.
I don't KNOW that that's a good idea, but man, that's what I'd WANT to do.
