Hmm. I'm glad you put this out there. You have posted something before about weight lifting that had me wondering if you had some of the same issues, and your weight lifting may not be the same as for me, but it's something to consider.
I thought all was well since I'd lost a ton of weight. I am NOT overly skinny, and I don't obsess about eating. I had not acknowledged there was an issue until my doctor said it to me. Exercise anorexia. I know she's right.
I don't starve myself anymore, but lifting weights, hiking, biking, skiing, boarding - I can't justify doing anything in free time unless it burns calories or makes me "fitter". Going on an annual holiday can only be done if I am burning energy with non-stop activities. Any day off has to be spent exerting energy, and that is on top of scheduled trips to the gym. I often do the work myself on houses and have been choosing the things what I can exert the most energy, then hiring out the other stuff. I just spent part of the day carrying 70 pound bundles of roofing up a ladder onto a roof rather then planting some stuff in the yard. I adore gardening, and no sane person likes roofing especially in the rain, so this is clearly ****** up.
I think I was genuinely trying to maintain muscle mass post op, but many years ago (like teens and 20's) it was clearly my form of anorexia, and is again now.
My fiance tells me to stop trying to go back to "skinny" that I'm normal and healthier now, but the mind **** is always there. Normal BMI is not good enough. My mental mantra is "I have been skinnier, so must go back to that, and how can this be unhealthy since I'm not starving myself and doing non-stop healthy things".
I'm curious, are any of the fitness activities part of something similar for you, or just trying to maintain muscle mass?
