Very upset, close to tears right now!

[Brandy Rediker]

Hello ladies, it's been awhile since I've been on here. I had my surgery 3 1/2 mos ago, and I'm doing great. My mom on the other hand had her surgery one week ago and she's got me so upset along with my dad. The nurses and the nut told her to stay away from the forums on the internet that you ladies don't know what your talking about. Well, now my dad had boldly told me he wasn't allowing my mom to eat the stuff that I eat, that she was only gonna follow the nut's advise. I have tried telling him that they don't know what they are talking about and that they follow only the RNY guidelines as to what we are suppose to eat. That a lot of patients have ended up in the hospital malnourished from following the nuts. They basically told me I don't know what I'm talking about and that neither do you vets and that the dr and nut went to school for this and know everything about it. My mom even told me that Sheila from Dr. Sudan's office specializes in the DS and nothing else. Where she got this from I have no clue. Please ladies, please I need your help, I need help to explain this stuff to my mom so she will understand how important this is. I'm close to tears right now! I'm scared because of this. Help!!!

 

[southernlady]

Brandy, see if you can find a local DSer (2-3 years out) who is about your mom's age and can help you explain this.

 

[Brandy Rediker]

I'm in south western part of Virginia, I don't even know where to begin looking for anyone local who has had the DS. ;( I thought I was prepared for this with my mom, I had almost a yr to explain everything that I have read and learned from you guys, She took it all in. Now she's believing the nut and nurses. Why? Because they went to school to be a nut and nurse and nothing more. They only know about normies and RNY patients. Ughhh! I'm so upset right now.

 

[Sheanie]

Well,
@Brandy Rediker , I've got a different point of view in "helping" your mother. Let her follow their advice. And be ready. Because she will eventually have issues with their diet plan. Either she will not lose weight, she will get constipated, her labs will tank, something will happen. They will turn to you, to find out how YOU dealt with it. Then you get your chance.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is NOTHING. It's called Tough Love for a reason. Let your mother learn the hard way, if that is her choice.

 

[Larra]

This may not work, but if you possibly can, get your mother on here to read for herself. Other than that, you have done all you can to educate her, at least until her (and your dad's) attitude changes, which may well take her developing problems. I hope it doesn't come to that.
We see wonderful, king hearted, well meaning people all the time on this and other for a (Diana says that's the plural of forum, and who am I to argue) seeking help on behalf of someone other than themselves. Sometimes this works, most of the time it doesn't. Each person must take enough interest to become his or her own best advocate, to educate themselves. We can't do it for them, no matter how much we may want to. It just doesn't work that way. Please know that this is no way your fault or a failure on your part, it's just human nature.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Honey, there is NOTHING you can do about this except to wait for her to get constipated or have other issues. Back away. I know this is hard. I've watched a couple of friends who insisted on following Greenbaum's people's advice get really sick. One decided to listen to me and improved. I quit paying attention to the other one's downfall.

It's their decision. Let them flounder. They are grownups and you cannot make them do this right.

 

[Whit]

I am sorry you are going through this. Parents can be resistant to guidance from their Children. Maybe let her know this site is about support too and she can use it as she needs to. Just be there for her.
Best,
Whit

 

[revisionDS]

this is very difficult to see this, your mom is very early PO, but I find it interesting and mildly disturbing that the office and nut told her not to listen to the online DSers? not sure exactly how your mom is "eating" and she will be having bloodwork as time goes on, as DSers we know the importance of not letting our levels tank as it is difficult to drag ourselves out of the toilet, but you have to let people make their own decisions and not instil your will on them. If you mom will have problems then maybe she can ask you to help, before then she will not listen, she has to be ready to listen and hopefully she wont fall too far behind normalcy.

 

[Munchkin]

This is sad! You mom and dad should be right but they are not. And most parents will not listen to their children. Sometimes there are things you can't change. I hope your mom figures it out.

 

[DianaCox]

Ask her and your dad if they'd like to speak to an 11+ year out DS vet, who is 61 years old, with a PhD in molecular biology, and perfect labs. And who's married to a man from Christiansburg/Indian Valley who "gets" the whole thing too. And who taught medical students biochemistry and nutrition, and knows just how uneducated they are - especially surgeons.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I'm with @Sheanie

Lousy labs, for a short period, aren't going to kill her. Let some time elapse and then see if you get into a "working together" mode, sharing what YOUR labs show and seeing what hers say, including what they test for. Ask them to humor you and just get get copies of her labs. (That will be a few months from now, so relax.)


Right now, her surgeon and his staff have saved her life. She needs to count on their wisdom. Even if she's wrong.

 

[robs477]

Oh good Lord, this sounds SO familiar! My Wife’s Mother of 80 does the SAME exact thing. She will listen to anybodies advice except for hers and always discredits her and minimizes everything she says, drives her crazy!! Children will always be children in some parents eyes and it seems to be especially prevalent with Mother/Daughter relationships, so, relax, don’t cry, it’s pretty “Normal” IMHO…..@Southernlady has the best advice on this one. Get another senior to talk with her…And then inundate her with data and facts, even do a bunch of cut-n-pastes of all these posts showing specific examples of just how much the Docs/Nuts don’t know regarding DS required nutrition and make her read them. Absolutely refuse to be minimized because you know your right and this is too important, and TELL THEM THAT! again and again if needed….Then, be prepared for your “Plan B”, which is to say….”See Mom (AND DAD), I told you so, are you going to accept my help now” when her labs start crashing. As @Sheanie & @Spiky Bugger said, you will still have a lot of time to recover after the first labs, ALL great advice combined in to a strategy with a contingency back-up plan!!!! There you go, done deal…now go get happy and stop all that worrying!!

 

[Sheanie]

Sooner or later, her surgeons office will say or do SOMETHING that gets under her skin. They all do, eventually.

 

[Paula]

I have to agree with EN. She is a grown woman and is ultimately responsible for her own decisions. All you can really do is ask her if no one here know what we are talking about based on experience of living with this, why aren't we all dead? Last time I checked, dead people can't type or create prolific forums full of real life experience.

And then you just have to let go. When stuff starts going bad, you are likely the first one they are going to turn to to ask what the hell is going wrong with your mom.

 

[Vinnero]

I wish and hope for the day they will get it, the docs and nuts are so stubborn. I did the same thing at first, I thought "they went to school for this so..." but found out fast that they were wrong, logically it does not make since, so to think like them and apply calories, you eat more carbs get terrible gas with more absorption so more calories, eat low carbs and allot of fat less absorption, less calories. I really like my doc but as smart as he is, he is ignorant. Don’t get me started on the whole "eat fat get fat thing" logic. Check out http://www.fathead-movie.com/, it is a great film that debunks all of that logic and why docs and nuts still follow it. Have to admit it makes me somewhat angry. But i thank all the vets that got me on the right track.