Protein-egg/fooled me/mind body and soul pay paying the price.

[DSRIGGS]

Nope, no hypoglycemia for me. I crawl through life with chronic low blood sugar. My days are intermittently good. The balance when the SIBO is in check and the blood sugar are able to get to my brain is when I am reminded of the me I use to be. One gets use to living this way but not with out a lot of changes and soul searching. Adapt my life so I am not as much as a burden on my loved ones.

I was a LW. 48yrs. old when I had my virgin DS. My mother died at 60. She had battled her weight all her adult life. She was never sick as I can remember. Artist, historian, ball room dancer, country line dancer, musician, mother of 6, grandmother of 12. She retired early at Purdue University where she was head of International Studies. Less than a year after she retired she died of knee surgery compilations. My Father who was never overweight and in great health had a heart attack upon my mothers death. One of my mothers fears was being overweight and in her senior years living in a nursing home. She had worked in the arts department when us kids were very young and she talked about how they treated overweight people. It made her very sad. Although the shock and trauma surrounding my mothers death was overwhelming things turned out. Doctors had her on a roller coaster after the knee surgery, she tried all she could, but you know the medical world. I tell you this because at 48, I was having health issues no diabetics yet, but every time the doctors opened their mouths they world say if you just take off the weight you'll be good. Not wanting the road map laid out by my mother, I welcomed the DS.

So I had my DS at 47 and I was diabetic with high BP, sleep apnea and slightly high cholesterol. My A1C was becoming very hard to control and had climbed to 9. I had the DS for my health, and the weight loss was a side benefit but not the reason I had the DS. My BMI the day of surgery was right around 43 (6'2 338 but that was after 5 day fast....I had weight 360 before) so I was by no means a heavy weight.

My days too are intermittently good. Some days I feel pretty good (not ready to run good, but not extremely fatigued and gut aching) and then other days the gut is a mess and I am weak as a limp rage from shitting my brains out that day.

I am sorry to hear about your Mother. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and she was only 69.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Thanks EN. Trying to keep up with your moves can make one burn calories just reading about it all. So glad you have moved and settled in. Left the lawyers, lawsuits and low life behind ya. Montana, yep someday EN, Someday. When you least expect it I'll be giving you a call and flying out. My son of 25 and father of 83 are both nearing end of life. Both live with me. When they pass think I will need some wide open spaces to process my mission in life.

Oh dear lady, if only you knew how awesome you are. You're a hero. Hang in there. I wish we could find the magic wand to fix you.

May you have lots of grace, strength, love and wisdom as you walk this path. And may you be absolutely right that I've left all that bullshit behind me! Ha! If only your situation were as straightforward.

 

[DianaCox]

@feeder - I'm so sorry about your father and your son - may I ask what is going on with your son? I recall he had FAS, but there is something else going on?

 

[feeder]

Diane, Bobby's heart is not working. They say too many conductors in the top and bottom half. He has needed this surgery for about a year but Medicaid would keep sending him for more and more testing. Bobby has been on many different drugs to keep out of jail and institution. FAS makes your muscles weak and so has the drugs he has been on. The doctors tell us his heart is a muscle and its very weak. His home health nurse says with out the surgery it could be less than a year. I was surprised she would even tell me this. Bobby was not in the room when she talked to me about his heart, but still. They had asked me about six months ago if Bobby wanted to go on Hospice. At that time the doctors told Bobby he could have the surgery if he was a candidate. First they said he was not a candidate now they say he is. Surgeons says if he opens Bobby up and see's anything not right he will close him back up and not finish the surgery. Nightingale nurse use to work in the hospital on the heart surgery ward and says by the way Bobby's legs look swelled, the water gain although they started him on water pills, the labored breathing she says maybe a year.

So, March 29 he will have surgery. I can not tell you how much Dr. Patricia I. Bader, M.D. Northeast Indiana Genetic Counseling Center, Fort Wayne Indiana has helped me in my raising a son With FAS. She was hired by NASA to invent the first mask that doctors can put over a childs face so the physicians can better get a diagnose.

At the begging of the winter Bobby asked to talk to me and Steve together. Mom and dad, you both have loved and protected me all these years. I have been happy. But these last 2 years have been hard on me. I can feel myself dying. I know I'm going to die. Just wanting you to know I 'll be o.k. Then he paused and said, did my life have meaning mom?

Yes Bobby. From the time you were born you were in pain, sever pain. You withdrew from cocaine, alcohol, and your birth mother. All at the same time. You then had to withdraw from the real world as the unforeseen forces made you get sick or react in ways that you had no control over. Legitimate suffering. This is what you allowed Me, dad, and your sisters to see and experience with you. For all that you allowed to come into your small world they have changed because of your legitimate suffering. Will you have the family over next Sunday so I can talk to them one at a time. Yes. O.K, can I have my brownie now. Yes.

Later that night in my room I wondered how Bobby knew he was dying. None of us had talked to him about it. So I went to talk to him. Bobby, what makes you think your dying? Has someone said something to you? NO. I know Grandpa can hardly pick up his feet to walk. He only comes up for breakfast and coffee with you. You take him his lunch and diner so he can eat in front of his t.v. I often hear you and dad talk about grandpa not going to live much longer because of his heart. Grandpa use to smile and tell jokes all the time. He always looks tired and he doesn't smile. O.K. Bobby, but what does this have to do with you?

I'm tired all the time mom. I can barley get out of bed to the T.V. You bring me breakfast, lunch and diner, I use to come over and eat with you guys. I can't pick up my leg's when I walk I don't smile and I don't laugh. I'm ready to go mom. I'm so glad grandpa lives with us. I watch him all the time. He's so funny. It's time for him to mom. Your right Bobby. You know mom your very sick too and you might go before us, but don't worry, we'll be right behind you. No way Bobby, I'm not going anywhere. No one really knows how long we have so lets get busy living and not think about the dying, nothing we can do about that.

 

[DSRIGGS]

Oh Honey I apologize for being such an idiot and not catching the comment about your son. I saw the 25 part but didn't catch the part about endcof life. I am so very sorry for this situation you are going through and I really hope that surgery is successful.

You have probably seen comments about my son Cameron and his battles with cancer, debilitating GERD and gastroparesis, severe depression with suicide/self harm attempts and all of this has led to substance abuse issues .....so I so empathize with you and Bobby. It is so hard to watch our children struggle and suffer. I can't tell you how many times I have asked for whomever to give me all of Cameron's pain because he doesn't deserve it and that if somebody has to suffer or even pass that it should be me because I have had a good life and has deserves to experience life. I am sure you understand what I am saying so I am sending all the positive thoughts and love your way that i can muster.

My best wishes for all of you

 

[Larra]

I am so sorry you Bobby and your whole family are going through this. I hope Bobby will be able to have his surgery and that it will help him.

 

[duh_Mom]

@feeder - I could not hit the like button on your post about your son - just seems wrong - but I wanted you to know I am sending you good thoughts. My daughter has suffered with one thing or another her life - beginning with cancer at 18. I know what it is to watch a child suffer and cannot imagine having to let one go.

Hugs to you and yours. I do compliment you and being able to talk to your son on end of life issues - whether it happens or not. They need to talk about it and process it - but most family can't go there.

 

[hilary1617]

I'm heartbroken for all the suffering Bobby, you and your family endure. I hope that his surgery is very helpful and wish you strength and comfort.