SJB41976
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2015
- Messages
- 308
***if you don't want to read my novel I just wrote, skip down to the last paragraph and I think you get what I am asking. LOL!***
So, a little backstory. I had lap band in 2004, when it was newer and touted as the less invasive yet get great results. We all know how that turned out. I ended up not being able to eat if I had a fill and without a fill...well, the weight came back on. I did well, except I couldn't eat and most things came back up or I had to drink liquids all the time.
So, in 2010 I was set on the RNY, I knew I need malabsorption. UNTIL...I met with my doctor who suggested the DS (Dr. Hugh Houston did my fills, I had lap band in Mexico). I cannot remember if he told me about the VSG, or I found it on OH. I honestly can't, but after research, I thought I could have that done and lose the weight and not have malabsorption. *sigh*
So, I travelled to Texas and Dr. David Kim did my sleeve. I did fine until just about a year out. I had lost 70 pounds, but I had no follow up and even though I was still on OH, hindsight, I sabotaged myself into stalling. I stopped losing, and tried desperately to maintain what I lost and lose more for about a year. I had regained about 20 pounds 1 1/2 years out. Started intensive therapy and have learned SO MUCH and can see how I sabotaged myself. How I hated myself into surgery instead of loving every inch and accepting the person that I am and changing to make myself the best person I could be.
Fast forward to not being able to lose weight AT ALL for over a year. I don't overeat but i'm not eating in a way that assists me in losing weight. I basically spent a year getting normal with food. Having a healthy relationship.
I decided to give losing weight on my own another shot. I mean, I have a tool. Why can't I get it to work.?We were on vacation at the beach last week and believe me, it was difficult not to be discouraged that I'm back to being as large as i was when I had the VSG 5 years ago. I was not trying to lose weight on vacation, but when we got back I decided to cut way back and gradually cut back on sugar and carbs. I would need to do that anyway, if I had the DS. Right. More so, actually.
And I'm not giving up on myself by any means because cutting back is what I'm doing, but it's really hard. I'm not expecting perfection. I'm just frustrated that it is THIS. DAMN. HARD.
Why can't I just do this on my own? I know I am going to have to cleanse off of sugar, as it is a major trigger for me, and once that is done it gets easier, but I pretty much have to eat clean, whole grains, if any, or go paleo to really lose weight. And I have done that the past two years and guess what......I have not been able to stick with it or I would already be below 200 pounds (which has been my goal on my own). So.....why do I think this time is going to be any different (stinking thinking, I know). My therapist encourages me to keep going, but she supports me if I decide to have surgery.
I just re-read @DianaCox post on goals and responsibility...again. and was encouraged by this:
I think I am expecting a whole lot of myself (which is typical, I am hardest on myself). But really, how many more times am I going to try this without malabsorption??? I have changed SO MUCH about my eating, but to say I will eat paleo the rest of my life is not going to happen. Even eating low carb the rest of my life isn't going to happen. Please put this in the context that I mean. I am satisfied now with a bite or a sip or a small portion. I don't binge eat anymore 90% of time time (I'm not going to lie and say it isn't a struggle but i have accepted myself and my limitations and pick myself back up and make it a new day). So when I say I'm not going to be low carb the rest of my life, I mean, there will be times, at goal, when I enjoy food off plan. I think I can do that in a healthy manner. Before, not so much.
I don't want to eat whateverthehell I please. I would like, once at my goal, to enjoy some things once in a while, which I think you all have explained at goal, that you do.
So....I am still going to try this, I am not giving up. But the reality is....is it really going to work long term? *sigh*. Am I just fighting an uphill battle when I need malabsorption. I know you can't answer that for me, but maybe you can give some insight. I feel fullness and satisfaction with the VSG, I just can't lose weight without drastically changing how I eat and what I eat. Do that make sense???? And it's hard eating clean or paleo ALL. THE. TIME. I have attempted to do this for 2 years now and I am still back to what I weight the day of surgery. :-/
Thanks for any insight!!!!!!!!!!
So, a little backstory. I had lap band in 2004, when it was newer and touted as the less invasive yet get great results. We all know how that turned out. I ended up not being able to eat if I had a fill and without a fill...well, the weight came back on. I did well, except I couldn't eat and most things came back up or I had to drink liquids all the time.
So, in 2010 I was set on the RNY, I knew I need malabsorption. UNTIL...I met with my doctor who suggested the DS (Dr. Hugh Houston did my fills, I had lap band in Mexico). I cannot remember if he told me about the VSG, or I found it on OH. I honestly can't, but after research, I thought I could have that done and lose the weight and not have malabsorption. *sigh*
So, I travelled to Texas and Dr. David Kim did my sleeve. I did fine until just about a year out. I had lost 70 pounds, but I had no follow up and even though I was still on OH, hindsight, I sabotaged myself into stalling. I stopped losing, and tried desperately to maintain what I lost and lose more for about a year. I had regained about 20 pounds 1 1/2 years out. Started intensive therapy and have learned SO MUCH and can see how I sabotaged myself. How I hated myself into surgery instead of loving every inch and accepting the person that I am and changing to make myself the best person I could be.
Fast forward to not being able to lose weight AT ALL for over a year. I don't overeat but i'm not eating in a way that assists me in losing weight. I basically spent a year getting normal with food. Having a healthy relationship.
I decided to give losing weight on my own another shot. I mean, I have a tool. Why can't I get it to work.?We were on vacation at the beach last week and believe me, it was difficult not to be discouraged that I'm back to being as large as i was when I had the VSG 5 years ago. I was not trying to lose weight on vacation, but when we got back I decided to cut way back and gradually cut back on sugar and carbs. I would need to do that anyway, if I had the DS. Right. More so, actually.
And I'm not giving up on myself by any means because cutting back is what I'm doing, but it's really hard. I'm not expecting perfection. I'm just frustrated that it is THIS. DAMN. HARD.
Why can't I just do this on my own? I know I am going to have to cleanse off of sugar, as it is a major trigger for me, and once that is done it gets easier, but I pretty much have to eat clean, whole grains, if any, or go paleo to really lose weight. And I have done that the past two years and guess what......I have not been able to stick with it or I would already be below 200 pounds (which has been my goal on my own). So.....why do I think this time is going to be any different (stinking thinking, I know). My therapist encourages me to keep going, but she supports me if I decide to have surgery.
I just re-read @DianaCox post on goals and responsibility...again. and was encouraged by this:
3) Some people can't or won't change their eating habits long-term. I myself was so pleased to NOT be dieting and losing weight that my weight loss stopped when I got to 205 at one year out, down from over 290. That was a healthy 205, in normal sized clothes, so I tried not to care. My cravings have changed over time, so now I'm not having as hard a time resisting that which I should not eat, so I have lost another 35 lbs in the last 2.5 years. I could have lost more if I was stricter with myself, but I am happier not dieting than I am at the idea of being under 170. 171-173 is pretty steady right now eating whateverthehell I please. I'm not saying one or the other mind-set is right or wrong, but it is a trade-off that I am responsible for choosing.
I think I am expecting a whole lot of myself (which is typical, I am hardest on myself). But really, how many more times am I going to try this without malabsorption??? I have changed SO MUCH about my eating, but to say I will eat paleo the rest of my life is not going to happen. Even eating low carb the rest of my life isn't going to happen. Please put this in the context that I mean. I am satisfied now with a bite or a sip or a small portion. I don't binge eat anymore 90% of time time (I'm not going to lie and say it isn't a struggle but i have accepted myself and my limitations and pick myself back up and make it a new day). So when I say I'm not going to be low carb the rest of my life, I mean, there will be times, at goal, when I enjoy food off plan. I think I can do that in a healthy manner. Before, not so much.
I don't want to eat whateverthehell I please. I would like, once at my goal, to enjoy some things once in a while, which I think you all have explained at goal, that you do.
So....I am still going to try this, I am not giving up. But the reality is....is it really going to work long term? *sigh*. Am I just fighting an uphill battle when I need malabsorption. I know you can't answer that for me, but maybe you can give some insight. I feel fullness and satisfaction with the VSG, I just can't lose weight without drastically changing how I eat and what I eat. Do that make sense???? And it's hard eating clean or paleo ALL. THE. TIME. I have attempted to do this for 2 years now and I am still back to what I weight the day of surgery. :-/
Thanks for any insight!!!!!!!!!!