http://www.today.com/health/6-thing...365703?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=referral
I don't necessarily agree, but then I'm pretty weak in the tact department.
I don't necessarily agree, but then I'm pretty weak in the tact department.
6 Things to Never Say to Someone Who Has Lost Weight
- Thread starter DianaCox
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newanatomy
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I have gotten most of them, excluding 3 and 4.
robs477
Now an Angel in heaven
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That reminds me of the age old question we Men usually cringe upon…”Honey, do you think I look fat in this”? You’re just screwed no matter how you answer that! I told my Wife, no, you look great in it, and she replies…”so you do think I'm fat”….So, like most good husbands do, I just act like I didn’t hear her, which works way better when you get older! 
There are a lot worse things you can say to me than those. I was (still am) very open about my WLS. I get those comments all the time. Some are from rude, nosy people. Others genuinely care and may be socially inept. I choose to answer as I see fit for the question and its poser.
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Munchkin
Full of Fairy Dust
Clerk at the grocery store... "Do you have cancer?" True story!
I've heard most of these.
I've heard most of these.
brooklyngirl
Yankee gone south
Ditto! And 99% of the time! the person means well, so I don't get offended. It's the people that I know have a snarkiness (is that a word?) behind it that piss me off.
Kate
Well-Known Member
I have received every single one of these some of them multiple times. The one that drives me nuts the most though is number 5. My father says this constantly and it drives me up the flippin' wall! I finally had to ask him to stop saying it because it bothered me so much. My favorite response to the "How much weight did you lose?" one came from a co-worker of mine who was asked that by a rather nosy person. She simply answered with a beautiful smile, "that's none of your business" and then changed the subject.
newanatomy
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Most think they are being kind, some are asking out of jealousy, some out of curiosity, some to be bitchy. Each has to be weighed separately. I have pretty much been honest about my surgery but, for some it is just none of their business.
conceit
Baroness
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I have lost weight a couple of times, gone down to 105-110 pounds. So, not in a WLS context, but a general one, I can address this lol.
1. how much weight did you lose? this one is just intrusive as hell. if the person is just socially inept, my response has tended to be along the lines of just as much as i needed to feel healthy. most people don't inquire further. if the person is bitchy or gets pushy, i tell them they're being intrusive, and that works fine. they offer a pseudo-apology, and move on. *shrugs*
2. lol @ you look so good..i didn't recognize you
again, this one can either come from a bitchy place or just a socially clueless one, and i would respond accordingly. i've gotten that a lot but minus the "you look so good part". that's just ridiculous. i, personally, just say..you look great. and make no reference to the past or to recognition difficulties, when a person has lost a lot of weight.
3. aren't you done yet?
i got this a lot. i even had a couple of people ask me if i had been hospitalized recently, which is preposterous lol, because i definitely looked and felt healthy. to this one, i've just said, i am doing just fine, thanks for your concern lol.
4. you should have done this years ago-
this one is just disrespectful and condescending as hell, no matter how you look at it. nobody has ever said this to me. my response would've been..you should've stopped being an ass years ago.
5. good for you..i hope you'll keep it up.
this sounds pretty snarky but could come from a socially inept person who means well lol. i would just thank them for their well wishes. if the person is being a snide, they'll hate it because it's disappointing to them when their snark doesn't have the intended effect. if the person is just clueless, then lol.
6. you look amazing--what's your secret
hmm i don't there's anything wrong with this. i mean the secret part is hokey, because it really is no "secret" that it takes a lot of effort, discipline, consistency etc. to workout regularly and eat well, and for those of us with metabolic issues that just aren't fixable without an invasive procedure, it takes surgical intervention followed up with mindful eating etc as with everyone else. but, since i've only lost weight with exercise, dietary changes (low carb basically) in the past, i had an easy time telling people what kind of changes i had made. i would just say i've been low carbing, doing a mix of HIIT and weight/kettlebell training, or whatever else I had found useful at the time. this question doesn't bother me at all. i don't think it's snarky or rude, in the least. i, especially, had an easier time answering if another overweight person asked me this, because we could both empathize with each other.
now with wls, i don't think i want to publicize it too much at all, and only because my family is extremely judgmental and full of shit. it's only going to attract passive aggressive and disrespectful personal attacks every chance i cross paths with most of them. i think, barring my closest friends and partner obviously, everyone else is likely going to get the low carb and workouts answer. meh. i wish i could be "honest", but it just doesn't fit well in my life currently.
1. how much weight did you lose? this one is just intrusive as hell. if the person is just socially inept, my response has tended to be along the lines of just as much as i needed to feel healthy. most people don't inquire further. if the person is bitchy or gets pushy, i tell them they're being intrusive, and that works fine. they offer a pseudo-apology, and move on. *shrugs*
2. lol @ you look so good..i didn't recognize you
again, this one can either come from a bitchy place or just a socially clueless one, and i would respond accordingly. i've gotten that a lot but minus the "you look so good part". that's just ridiculous. i, personally, just say..you look great. and make no reference to the past or to recognition difficulties, when a person has lost a lot of weight.
3. aren't you done yet?
i got this a lot. i even had a couple of people ask me if i had been hospitalized recently, which is preposterous lol, because i definitely looked and felt healthy. to this one, i've just said, i am doing just fine, thanks for your concern lol.
4. you should have done this years ago-
this one is just disrespectful and condescending as hell, no matter how you look at it. nobody has ever said this to me. my response would've been..you should've stopped being an ass years ago.
5. good for you..i hope you'll keep it up.
this sounds pretty snarky but could come from a socially inept person who means well lol. i would just thank them for their well wishes. if the person is being a snide, they'll hate it because it's disappointing to them when their snark doesn't have the intended effect.
if the person is just clueless, then lol.6. you look amazing--what's your secret
hmm i don't there's anything wrong with this. i mean the secret part is hokey, because it really is no "secret" that it takes a lot of effort, discipline, consistency etc. to workout regularly and eat well, and for those of us with metabolic issues that just aren't fixable without an invasive procedure, it takes surgical intervention followed up with mindful eating etc as with everyone else. but, since i've only lost weight with exercise, dietary changes (low carb basically) in the past, i had an easy time telling people what kind of changes i had made. i would just say i've been low carbing, doing a mix of HIIT and weight/kettlebell training, or whatever else I had found useful at the time. this question doesn't bother me at all. i don't think it's snarky or rude, in the least. i, especially, had an easier time answering if another overweight person asked me this, because we could both empathize with each other.
now with wls, i don't think i want to publicize it too much at all, and only because my family is extremely judgmental and full of shit. it's only going to attract passive aggressive and disrespectful personal attacks every chance i cross paths with most of them. i think, barring my closest friends and partner obviously, everyone else is likely going to get the low carb and workouts answer. meh. i wish i could be "honest", but it just doesn't fit well in my life currently.
robs477
Now an Angel in heaven
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I think the 99% “meaning well” is way too high of a percentage, at least it is in my world!
My 2 cent opinion from being an observer of “Human nature” for 56 years is that, well over half, (and I’m probably being too kind) of the people saying things and asking questions are nosy, jealous and envious. A similar and relevant story that really happened to me reiterates what I am saying and is a perfect example. Back in “the day” late 80’s, I had a 1936 Ford 3 window coupe show car, almost exactly like the ZZ top car. Folks knew I had it and every once in a while when it was a beautiful nice day and the sun and moon were in perfect alignment with the terrestrial Gods, I would drive it to work. I would get a few comments telling me how cool it was, maybe 2 out of 10 people that I worked with. Then, one day, on the way to work, someone side swiped it and damaged the whole left side, I was still able to drive it to work. All of a sudden, the numbers completely reversed, 8 out of 10 people came outside to look at it and see the carnage and ask all the dumb questions, over and over. A lot of people LOVE to see others fail and hate to see others succeed, especially where they have failed…and that’s just the way it is. Thus…the stupid questions explained.
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Number 5 is what one of my previous doctors said to me after I had lost over 100 pounds. And it triggered me to go home and eat my way back up past that mark and more. Keep up the good work? It was HORRIBLE work. I had starved myself for months on end, eating lentil soup, Slimfast, and Diet Vernors. Clueless doctor.
Of course, the same doctor once lectured me on Petticoat Punishment and "making your son gay" when I brought my infant son in for an ear infection. His index fingernails were painted with hot pink polish. WTF? (Oh, and he had pink diaper pins in his cloth diapers, but they were covered up). Clueless moron. He did wear a very nice toupee, though.
Of course, the same doctor once lectured me on Petticoat Punishment and "making your son gay" when I brought my infant son in for an ear infection. His index fingernails were painted with hot pink polish. WTF? (Oh, and he had pink diaper pins in his cloth diapers, but they were covered up). Clueless moron. He did wear a very nice toupee, though.
OK, I'll bite - why were your infant son's index fingernails painted hot pink? I'm assuming it was not his choice, since you said "infant" rather than toddler, who might have asked for the polish (I know my son did too - I painted his toenails).
Well, I misspoke. He was a toddler, still in diapers. He always wanted his nails painted when the girls did theirs (me and DD). I didn't see an issue. Moron Doctor did, and lectured me. He was very anal. Literally, had an anal fixation. Wierd man. Thought you could "make" your son gay by painting his nails pink.
