I am so glad that you were able to be with him as he transitioned. May you find comfort in knowing despite this awful pandemic you were able to comfort your Father. May the memories of your loved one comfort you in your time of sorrow. I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to all who loved your Father and all that your Father loved.
Diana, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I'm certain he knew how much you loved him and that your love and support over all these years and your presence as he passed meant the world to him. May his memory be a blessing. I wish I could sit with you. Our hearts are with you.
I didn’t want him to die after a long, drawn-out degeneration from dementia, nor from bladder cancer, but I thought there would be more time - at least many months, before this. Who dies of a UTI in a hospital on ABX that have made the bladder show clean?
OTOH, his rapidly fading cognition and consciousness probably made for a relatively peaceful passing.
I made arrangements with a for-profit company called ScienceCare to use whatever of his body could be useful, and then return the cremains in a few weeks. The company got very good reviews from my 55+ community when I posted for feedback.
My sister still has Mom’s ashes. When we inquired at the cemetery in Inglewood where her parents were interred, they said it would cost about $10K to inter her ASHES, and that it was illegal or against their rules to just scatter them on her parents’ grave. So the plan is for all of us siblings to get together at some point in the next year or so, mix the ashes, and each of us carry them in baggies in our pockets to the cemetery, sit on our grandparents’ graves, and surreptitiously scatter them there. Then we will ask for a plaque for both of them to be installed on our grandparents’ grave, which I think we own, so we could commemorate and “visit” all four of them in one place.
When I told Dad about our proposed plan, he thought it was funny - they were divorced after 27 years of marriage in ~1979, and neither remarried. Mom had repeatedly thrown him out, and one time he finally decided to stay gone. Mom kind of regretted it over the years, although she transformed it in her mind to him having left her. Dad felt guilty about it too, but he was done. So the concept of their kids getting them “back together” in death, and spending eternity irritating each other, made him laugh. And both of our parents were rebels in their own ways, so flouting the rules at the end would please them immensely.
Alternatively, Dad is entitled to be interred at a VA cemetery, and if Mom can be put there as well, even though they were divorced, maybe we could do that. TBD - no decision needed anytime soon.
Thank you all for your kind words and condolences - my virtual extended family (mishpucha in Yiddish) is very real to me, and very valued. ❤❤