Airplane Row 23, She is Me

[Joanne]

As I sit here in my aisle seat of Row 23, she is cramped into the window seat of the same row. No one dared take the seat between us, as her arm rest won't fit down, and she is encroaching a few inches of the middle seat. Leaning into the window, arms folded tightly in front of her, chin tucked in, she's trying to make herself as small as she can. Her too short, unbuckled seatbelt is hidden beneath her hoodie. I can feel her hoping the flight attendant doesn't notice as she passes by for the safety check.

Why do I know all this? She is me. Five years ago. Well, "she" isn't literally me...she is real....and sitting in the same row as me as I type this on my Southwest flight to Florida. I want to reach over and hug her. I want to tell her I feel her pain. I want to tell her there is hope. Why do I feel so bonded to this person? She has the same hair color as me. She's about the same age. She's about the same size I was. I used to sit the same way. I used to do the same seat belt trick before I got enough confidence (and safety minded) to ask for the extender. I so want to start a conversation with her, but probably won't.

As I type this, I look at me in my seat. Legs crossed, tray table down. Excess seat belt. Didn't have to give a second though to my seat selection. She's wearing stretchy jeans and a long navy hoodie, the uniform of please don't notice me. I used to do the same. I'm wearing ankle cropped pants, sparkly flats, and a flamboyant red printed scarf. A look at me outfit. Row 23 is a reminder to me of my transformation in every way. I started this by saying she IS me. As I'm ending it, I'm realizing she WAS me.

I so want to hug this woman, and tell her about the DS.

 

[southernlady]

I see others like me as I was then and want to share...but like we did, they have to come to the same conclusion. All we can do is be compassionate humans.

 

[Joanne]

I see others like me as I was then and want to share...but like we did, they have to come to the same conclusion. All we can do is be compassionate humans.

I agree, Liz. I often think about how I would have felt if someone approached me. Surely people know WLS is an option. It took me a while to get to the decision point myself.

 

[southernlady]

I agree, Liz. I often think about how I would have felt if someone approached me. Surely people know WLS is an option. It took me a while to get to the decision point myself.

My bil actually got the RNY about 15-20 years ago so I was aware of the option. But it wasn't until after dh explored the possibility for himself (THANKFULLY he didn't get it back then cause it would have been the RNY) that it clicked that I had the same option. (I had floated between 30-40 BMI for 20 years but often was under the 35 BMI cutoff). Then I got to 2010 and my insulin use was no longer under control EVEN on an insulin pump. I'm not sure what actually triggered it...I think I saw an article that mentioned WLS as the last ditch option that it clicked...there was my best solution. So I started looking in May of 2010...dh actually ended up going first in Dec with me shortly after.

 

[Joanne]

I've always known about it, but I remember vividly the night my light bulb clicked.

My BMI was in the high 40's and I was miserable. I had given up on dieting as a choice. I knew intellectually that dieting was making me fatter in the long run. I had actually made a conscious choice to not diet again, and started researching the various fat acceptance support groups. Some of those are very anti-WLS. I didn't actively participate in them, but I started reading quite a bit and was trying to adopt a "Learn to Live With What You Are" approach.

But I was miserable. My health was declining, but the biggest problem for me was I wasn't "living", I was "surviving". My nights and weekends were spent on the coach in exhaustion. I had become a hermit in my own home. Although I somehow was high functioning in my job (I work from home) - I hated leaving the house.

One night I realized I could just go ahead and have WLS. Of course I only knew about the RNY, but when I realized I had the power to change this, I was re-energized. I remember pacing around the room at midnight full of excitement a the idea. I was on a cruise vacation at the time, and couldn't wait to get home so I could get started.

My research led me to the DS (thank you Diana Cox) and I never looked back.

 

[Munchkin]

This is why I had surgery! Thank you!

 

[JackieOnLine]

I so want to hug this woman, and tell her about the DS.

sadly, I don't think there is a way to bring up the subject of WLS without giving offense. I supposed I could get a button that says "I used to weight 230 pounds" and wear it.

but I'm guessing there is something wrong with that idea.

anyway, very nicely written post. :054:

 

[Elizabeth N.]

I still have (and wear) my "DS Renegades" t shirt from several years ago. On the back it says, "Ask me about the best kept secret in weight loss surgery, the duodenal switch." Quite a few people have taken me up on that offer. I have an "elevator speech" prepared about it.

 

[k9ophile]

I was once in one of Denver, CO's finer department store. Knowing I was too big for regular women's clothes (aka Ladies) , I asked if they had a women's section (aka Bigger than Ladies). She then proceeded to tell me about this great diet book her sister was using and how if I used it, I could shop anywhere. Bad enough for her to do this in the first place, worse that there were other customers present. I think of this every time I'm tempted to give unsolicited advice to a larger person. I agree with Liz: we must use our compassion. And if we ever get an opening, then we can talk about the DS. But only then.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I like the T shirt idea.

I googled T shirt design and various things - there are a ton of lap band and bypass options... couple of VSG shirts that are boring. zzzz

here is the one EN has and I qualify for this one


LOL - there is a T shirt that says "Ask me how....my surgeon could beat up your surgeon" :036:

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Yup, that's the one, but I sure as hell wouldn't pay that much for it.

 

[DianaCox]

They would be fun to wear to an OH conference. If one were inclined to give Eric Klein, Bo and Sarahlicious a nickel, which I'm not. (Speaking of which, Hi Bo!)

 

[bearmom]

Been there. It's weird when you find yourself looking at your previoius self and recognizing EVERYTHING and feeling such empathy, and also remembering that you would have just died inside if anyone said anything.

I have had a bit of luck in bringing it up without bringing it up a few times by doing something that they then asked about, like getting out my thing with a shitload of vitamins, or usually, I have my mixing bottle on me and I take frequent swigs from it. I've tried different things, but my shaker bottle has been the best for getting someone to ask. I've been asked several times what I had it for, so I just say I had a type of weight loss surgery and it's the laziest way for me to get the additional protein I now need. Then pray ask about what surgery, or how much I've lost. It DID start conversations with several persons I was hoping, and THEY initiated them. It's hit or miss, but I think the ones that took the bait and asked had WLS on their mind anyway. They always say "You look like you've always been thin.." which I don't quite get, but assume it's a compliment.

I still exchanged emails with two of the people that think they initiated the conversation, and they are both moving toward the DS. One said seeing my license and passport pics sold her. I've had many ask about my passport or drivers license pics too, but none lead to sharing info that they may want ( I have kept my old fat pics on all credit card and other ID for as long as I can, for this very reason).

 

[brooklyngirl]

I like your strategy @bearmom , I'm putting that one in my back pocket!

 

[southernlady]

They would be fun to wear to an OH conference. If one were inclined to give Eric Klein, Bo and Sarahlicious a nickel, which I'm not. (Speaking of which, Hi Bo!)

Maybe a different one like the ASMBS one? Cause the OH people typically have already been indoctrinated to OH.