What is a Surgery Angel?

Elizabeth N.

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When you go in for your WLS, we here on your support forum will want to know how things are going! Some of us *points at self* turn into mama hens who will fuss and fret if the Internet silence stretches very long. You might find yourself in early recovery--possibly even while still in the hospital--with questions, concerns, confusion, etc. and wish for connection with your support forum.

A Surgery Angel can help in both directions. If you want an angel, please post a note here saying so, and someone will show up to volunteer. In an ideal world, it would be a person who can show up at your bedside in person, but many of us do just fine communicating by phone, whether voice or text.

It would be helpful for angel and "angelette" or "angelee" to communicate at least a few days before surgery, exchange phone numbers or establish whatever method of communication is best for you. Often that means getting in touch with the person who will be with you after your surgery.

Your angel's job is simply to report on your status and, where possible, to send back whatever responses you might get on the boards.

What to expect from your Angel:

Your angel is ONLY conveying information about your surgery status. S/he is NOT your personal WLS guide, coach or "special contact" for any other stuff about your life. Now if such a relationship develops, wonderful! Just be aware that it is not part of the job description.

Angel Responsibilities:

A couple things to think about:

  • PRIVACY! Please, talk with your "angelette/angelee" in advance about what kind of information they are comfortable communicating. When in doubt, err on the side of caution and confidentiality.
  • Your own expectations. What do YOU believe this relationship is about? Get clear about that in your own mind in advance.
  • The expectations of the people close to your angelette/angelee. Make sure they are aware of you are and what you're there to do.
I'll give a couple of examples from my own experience in a subsequent post.
 
Okay, now some of my personal experiences.

My surgery angel was my then-housemate, whom some old-timers will remember. She knew me very well and therefore did a TERRIFIC job on angel duties. Because I am so wordy and determined to share every detail, she had a great deal of liberty to do the great write-ups that eventually became part of my surgery "journey journal."

My experiences as an angel have been varied. One time I connected with a pleasant lady from out West, on one of the OH boards, who wasn't getting anyone local to help, and so did angel duty via long distance. She forgot to tell her hubby that he'd be getting a call from some random female in New Jersey asking about his wife LOL, so he was a bit concerned when that happened. I explained and all was well. He was pleasantly surprised to have an unexpected conversation about calving, winter weather, feed supplements for mama cows, etc. with "that gal from Jersey who didn't sound like Jersey," as the lady reported in follow-up. :D

I was bummed to not have further communication with her, but she wasn't getting anywhere finding local support on OH, so I'm sure she just went on with ranching life.

There have been several people over the years with whom I connected via long distance angel duty where boundaries and expectations became problematic and had to be clarified. In a couple of instances, they eventually moved on to other places in cyberspace. While I'm happy to communicate with almost anyone, those experiences are the reason why I emphasize above that your angel is Not. Your. Personal. Coach.

Happily, we have this and many other forums where you can connect with gazillions of people who've been through what you're going through. Please, spread the wealth around and get help and support from LOTS of folks, okay?

Then there have been some local folks. I don't know how many of them are here to compliment or complain, but that's okay either way.

What I like to do with local people is to meet them in person before their surgery and come to see them at least once while in the hospital. Generally local folks are Greenbaum patients, and I'm fairly well acquainted with him and his practice. On a couple of occasions, I observed things happening in patient care that I knew he would find objectionable, and I made sure he knew about it right away.

There was one occasion, though, where the patient begged me to not make any waves--and I was ready to go to both Greenbaum and the hospital patient advocate over how she got treated like shit by a couple nurses. (This was in Lourdes, BTW, and Dr. Greenbaum is no longer affiliated with that system.) I thought she was just kind of "out of it" as an early postop in ICU, but I respected her wishes. Turned out she had valid reasons for flying under radar; it was a personal situation where my making waves might very well have further complicated her life outside the hospital. (Sorry, I know that sounds weird, but I hope you get the idea.)

That experience made me painfully aware of the PRIVACY ISSUE. Angels need to be cautious about blathering information anywhere, but especially online, because once posted, that stuff never can really go away.

The privacy issue continues later, too. When one of "my people" has an issue, I am prone to telling their story forever and ever, because I participated in their experience and it made an impact on me. Call me blabbermouth!! :eek:

This is a thorny thing, folks. Sometimes people don't WANT to share their issues or how they got fixed. (And if you are reading this and feel like I blabbed too much about your stuff, please, feel free to PM me and kick my butt. I deserve it.) If you can tell the story in a way that truly anonymizes and protects the person who suffered, that might be one thing. But it's better to let people tell their own stories. Please, be cautious and respectful. K?
 
Maybe I didn't read closely enough, but I didn't see this mentioned, so here:

Being an angel is a VOLUNTEER position. If anyone offers to be your angel and help you and charge you just a nominal fee:
1--post that info here so we can out the creep;
2--ask your doctor, or us, if you should try to acquire some kind of "helper," and where to find a legitimate one.

We understand that this is scary and maybe you are alone and far from home and you think maybe you need someone on your side...but trust me on this...anyone other than a licensed professional who is willing to be there for you is probably a lowlife hustler, and you do NOT need their help.
 
Maybe I didn't read closely enough, but I didn't see this mentioned, so here:

Being an angel is a VOLUNTEER position. If anyone offers to be your angel and help you and charge you just a nominal fee:
1--post that info here so we can out the creep;
2--ask your doctor, or us, if you should try to acquire some kind of "helper," and where to find a legitimate one.

We understand that this is scary and maybe you are alone and far from home and you think maybe you need someone on your side...but trust me on this...anyone other than a licensed professional who is willing to be there for you is probably a lowlife hustler, and you do NOT need their help.
Amen Bugger!
 
Before my surgery, No one told me about "angels" but I believe I had one. She was there on my ipad right after surgery. She comforted me through those three hospital days. She chatted with my husband when he got worried and she assured me I was not dying and had not ruined my entire life. She read my tantrums, calmed my fears, and put up with my moods, and reassured me when I got discouraged. She is an amazing, compassionate, special friend, I have never met. My angeL rocks!
 
Maybe I didn't read closely enough, but I didn't see this mentioned, so here:

Being an angel is a VOLUNTEER position. If anyone offers to be your angel and help you and charge you just a nominal fee:
1--post that info here so we can out the creep;
2--ask your doctor, or us, if you should try to acquire some kind of "helper," and where to find a legitimate one.

We understand that this is scary and maybe you are alone and far from home and you think maybe you need someone on your side...but trust me on this...anyone other than a licensed professional who is willing to be there for you is probably a lowlife hustler, and you do NOT need their help.


Sue - I'm glad you said this, I had no idea this went on.
 
I did not have one. I am not one. I have connected with a lovely woman who had revision surgery last Thursday. We were supposed to meet at Rabkin's support meeting however I have been sick. SO it did not work out. I asked her if I could phone and check in to update our FB group. I was there for her as little or as much as she needed. We formed a mutual respect and have things in common. I will be meeting her on Monday. I will be checking in on Sunday just to see if she is up to it. This is not about me but her and her support person. Her mother.

I guess my point is support is different for everyone and sometimes not welcomed. I am still not an angel but somebody who made a connection and will be there if needed.

Whit
 
Hi I believe I am in need of an angel. I am considering WLS and I am in St Louis, MO. I want the DS but doubt will get it with the lack of qualified doctors and the fact that I am on medicaid. I am just now starting my journey so my angel would have to be there for the long run lol
 
Hi I believe I am in need of an angel. I am considering WLS and I am in St Louis, MO. I want the DS but doubt will get it with the lack of qualified doctors and the fact that I am on medicaid. I am just now starting my journey so my angel would have to be there for the long run lol
Usually you get an angel when you have a surgery date. Preferably someone who has had the same surgery as you. This person would understand what you are going through and would be able to help you and your family postop.

If the DS is what you want, fight for it! Post in the insurance section. People on medicaid have won this battle and gone out of state. After all it's not your fault if there is no one in your state who does the surgery you need. Post! Ask for help. We have experts!
 
Hi I believe I am in need of an angel. I am considering WLS and I am in St Louis, MO. I want the DS but doubt will get it with the lack of qualified doctors and the fact that I am on medicaid. I am just now starting my journey so my angel would have to be there for the long run lol

Until you have a surgery date, we are all your angels! Best of luck on your journey.
 

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