Tired of being tired and tired soooo tired

[kirmy]

I finished my cancer treatment in October 2016. Had the last bit of my body sliced off, the last radiation effects worn off, chemo but a terrible memory of malaise, fear in the eyes of my beloved David...sleep shitting.....yeh.

I am back to work and still wading in a deep bone weary fatigue. My hard won muscles are soft now and I find little motivation. I walk with friends up hills and down glens but never get the feeling of exhilaration or fitness anymore. I feel tired. Deeply tired. Achingly tired, withdraw from the world tired. Sleep doesn't reach the fatigue.

I am mortal and it is a hard pill to swallow. I know time is but a lottery and I have been granted more so I want to fulfil my dreams but I'm so tired. I am taking my pills and arranging my life for optimum health but I feel like I'm swimming against the undertow, kicking and thrashing against the current that wants to pull me down.

I'm so fucking tired.

Alive

that will do for now.

 

[KathrynK]

Beautiful pictures. I'm sorry you are feeling exhausted. Sometimes, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and be proud of ourselves for having come this far and for continuing to fight the undertow!

 

[Munchkin]

Beautiful pictures! I will be thinking about you and hoping your energy and zest for life returns soon. And with a vengeance.

 

[southernlady]

Just keep plugging along. You've been thru the wringer. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I remember being beyond exhausted post-hysterectomy. I didn't "get it," because I'd had a c-section less than two years earlier and had one of the exhaustion shit.

I had cancer, but nothing like what you have had, no chemo, no prophylactic body part removals, but I was still exhausted. I was 30, in college, with a two-year-old at home, at the time. I recall that even though they provided me handicapped parking, I lacked the energy to get to my car. I staggered to the health office in the basement of the building I was in, and asked if I could just rest on an exam table for a few minutes. Four hours later, they gently awakened me.

It DOES go away. But you have been through so much and you ain't 30. This could take a while.

Don't make it worse by not taking advantage of every second of recovery time you have available. And don't sneak around trying to control the planet and your loved ones after your allegedly impending demise. You're too fucking mean to die this young.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

PS...cool wind turbines!

 

[DianaCox]

I firmly believe that one day, after all the stress (and you're still under it - you just returned to work, and you don't work at a soft job, AND you're in the process of buying another house!) eases up, and while you continue to plug at fitness by walking and hiking and keeping busy, one day you'll wake up and realize - you feel BETTER. And then even better. Trust this prediction.

 

[galaxygrrl]

So sending you good energy! You know, when I was down once, my uncle said to me, just keep pushing. I think about that when I'm frustrated. Hang in there.

 

[Larra]

Be kind to yourself! The universe has not been very kind to you lately, so you will have to make up for that. Also, any chance you are battling (among other things) depression? Just something to consider.

 

[hilary1617]

Beautiful Kirmy, all I can say is that you are amazing and allowed to give yourself a break. As Sue mentioned, you've been through the wringer. All I can do is add that I care and hope you feel better soon.

P.S. I am sure you are on top of any obvious medical / nutritional concerns, but must mention that anemia is a possibility for others reading this thread who experience fatigue.

 

[DSRIGGS]

Kirmy you have been through SOOOOOOO much. I finally came to the realization that for me four major surgeries in the last 16 months and 3 of those in a 5 months period, was just so much harder on my body than I had imagined it could be. It was just like a light switch 3 weeks ago and that to the bone tired you described went to just being tired and a little weak. I know that I still have a long way to go but I honestly believe it is just a matter of time and I bet it will be the same for you. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. You went through so much and your body is just needing the time to recouperate.

 

[bearmom]

You have been through so much. Just because the chemo is over, and radiation is over, and the incisions have healed over, there is still healing going on. Your body was assaulted multiple times on multiple levels, and it still sounds like you have enough stress to juggle (even stuff I LIKE to do - work, buying houses, travel, all cause me stress).

I'm sure you're on top of it, but was wondering the same as Hilary, and would double check iron and thyroid levels. Just remember you aren't done healing, and be kind to yourself.

 

[writegirl]

No words of wisdom here, just well-wishes and hopes for more ease through the healing. I'm new-ish on these boards and not familiar with your history, but from what everyone here has stated you've been through enormous physical trauma. People don't often equate cancer treatments to trauma and that, I think, is a huge fucking mistake. Your body has been in a war and you've got the actual battle scars to prove it. I hate that you've had to go through all you have, even though I don't know you. I hope the weariness you feel right now passes quickly. Rest when you can, be kind to yourself when you can't rest. One hour at a time.