brooklyngirl
Yankee gone south
Hey guys!
So I had an appointment with my therapist this week (haven't seen him since before the summer) and I've been contemplating the boatload of stuff that we dug up ever since. I thought I'd share with you guys for thoughts/opinions/venting
1- he said he wasn't diagnosing me, but wonders if, based on the things I was telling him, if I've ever felt addicted to food. My response was YES!!! I've always had food issues, and also always strongly identified with addicts in the ways they spoke about drugs or alcohol. While I may be successful in everyone else's eyes, my struggles with food are still there and I'm TERRIFIED of ending up right back where I began. His first suggestion is that I try something I never have before, and maybe that first thing should be over eaters anonymous (OA). There's a convenient meeting about 5 mins away, but it's a literature based group. Not sure what exactly that means. I have to see if that's leaning towards the research side of literature or the bible side (I am in the south!). Thoughts?
2- he also thinks that I'm struggling to find a new identity, either to match, or despite, my new body. There are lots of things that happen these days that I've been wanting my whole life, but when they happen, instead of feeling overjoyed, I feel uneasy and I don't know how to process my feelings.
Examples- hubby and I went to the Halloween store last week to look for costumes. I never went costume shopping before because a- I haven't wanted to draw attention to myself in a very long time and b- even if I wanted to dress up, generic costumes would never fit me. He convinced me to try on the Wonder Woman tutu that I loved, even though it said "one size fits all". I think most of us know that means "one size fits normal sized people, if you're fat then don't bother". Well, it fit. And it kind of freaked me out.
Another one from this week was a picture I saw on Facebook from the training day we had at work on Friday. There were roughly 50 people sitting on bleachers and I didn't recognize myself. I automatically looked for the big girl in the crowd but there I was, blending in with the 2 small girls on either side of me. That's another thing that should've made me jump for joy, instead I just felt confused. Had anyone else dealt with anything like this? And don't get me wrong, in no way am I saying that I was more comfortable fat so I'll just be happier going back there. Life is AMAZING now in comparison to before, I just can wrap my thoughts around it yet.
So I had an appointment with my therapist this week (haven't seen him since before the summer) and I've been contemplating the boatload of stuff that we dug up ever since. I thought I'd share with you guys for thoughts/opinions/venting
1- he said he wasn't diagnosing me, but wonders if, based on the things I was telling him, if I've ever felt addicted to food. My response was YES!!! I've always had food issues, and also always strongly identified with addicts in the ways they spoke about drugs or alcohol. While I may be successful in everyone else's eyes, my struggles with food are still there and I'm TERRIFIED of ending up right back where I began. His first suggestion is that I try something I never have before, and maybe that first thing should be over eaters anonymous (OA). There's a convenient meeting about 5 mins away, but it's a literature based group. Not sure what exactly that means. I have to see if that's leaning towards the research side of literature or the bible side (I am in the south!). Thoughts?
2- he also thinks that I'm struggling to find a new identity, either to match, or despite, my new body. There are lots of things that happen these days that I've been wanting my whole life, but when they happen, instead of feeling overjoyed, I feel uneasy and I don't know how to process my feelings.
Examples- hubby and I went to the Halloween store last week to look for costumes. I never went costume shopping before because a- I haven't wanted to draw attention to myself in a very long time and b- even if I wanted to dress up, generic costumes would never fit me. He convinced me to try on the Wonder Woman tutu that I loved, even though it said "one size fits all". I think most of us know that means "one size fits normal sized people, if you're fat then don't bother". Well, it fit. And it kind of freaked me out.
Another one from this week was a picture I saw on Facebook from the training day we had at work on Friday. There were roughly 50 people sitting on bleachers and I didn't recognize myself. I automatically looked for the big girl in the crowd but there I was, blending in with the 2 small girls on either side of me. That's another thing that should've made me jump for joy, instead I just felt confused. Had anyone else dealt with anything like this? And don't get me wrong, in no way am I saying that I was more comfortable fat so I'll just be happier going back there. Life is AMAZING now in comparison to before, I just can wrap my thoughts around it yet.
