I think this is BS, but ...

Discussion in 'Main Forum' started by DianaCox, May 23, 2016.

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    DianaCox

    DianaCox Bad Cop

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    A self-appointed "Digital Health Strategist, Obesity Activist Entrepreneur" posted this on the ASMBS LinkedIn site.

    80-85% of patients who were obese prior to or at the time of their marriage will, within two years, divorce after weight-loss surgery.
    Physical, emotional, and behavioral changes after weight loss affect marital relationships. Statistically, divorce after weight-loss surgery is extremely high except in case of a long-term marriage that began when the spouse was of normal weight.​

    http://www.mybariatriclife.org/divorce-after-weight-loss-surgery-heres-why/

    Some bariatric surgeons also questioned her, and she responded:
    The statistic originated from John Pilcher, MD, FACS, a bariatric surgeon in San Antonio. The original article was "Counseling Bariatric Surgery Patients" by Dan Orzech in Social Work Today Vol. 5 No. 6 P. 24 -- you may view it here:https://www.hitpages.com/doc/4916991437570048/1#pageTop

    My response:
    While I'm sure the actual number is significant, this number sounds outlandishly high, and is not supported even on the "hitpages" site - which does NOT report or link to the study, if there was one, and which ACTUALLY states: "Not everyone is affected in the same way, however. “If a patient in a long-term marriage was a normal weight when the marriage began,” Pilcher says, “that marriage is probably in pretty good shape to withstand the changes following surgery. If the patient was heavy at the time the marriage or the relationship began, however, there’s an 80% to 85% chance that that relationship is going to break up within two years of surgery." A RELATIONSHIP is not the same as a marriage - what percentage of people in this "study" were in a "relationship" rather than a marriage? BIG difference.​
     
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    Will2014

    Will2014 Well-Known Member

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    I don't buy it at all that the numbers are that high. While it may or may not be arguable that there are increased stressors on a marriage related to morbid obesity and its treatment, this article seems to be totally subjective and without scientific merit. To me it smacks of yet another backhanded jab at the morbidly obese, a people group still fair game for bias in an age of rabidly excessive political correctness. Now the argument seems to be: "Hey fat fucks! You were undeserving of love and respect before you lost weight, and will be also after you lose it. You will NEVER be allowed to win, so just give up already....fat fucks!"
    :ahhhhhhh::protest emoticon::protest emoticon::protest emoticon::protest emoticon:
     
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    Larra

    Larra Well-Known Member

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    The article doesn't say where Dr. Pilcher got his numbers from, and the author of the article is a free lance writer, not an expert in the field. Yes, there are both marriages and "relationships" that come apart after bariatric surgery, but there are plenty of marriages and relationships that come apart with no one having any surgery, whether people are fat or thin, etc. These numbers seem extremely high to me, and no basis for the contention is supplied.
    And I would add that sometimes, a relationship ending is a good thing. Some MO people are in abusive relationships (as are many non-obese people, sadly), some have settled for a poor quality relationship because they thought it was all they could get, and sometimes marriages and relationships end because two people learn that they didn't really know each other as well as they thought they did.
     
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    Clematis

    Clematis Well-Known Member

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    Anecdotally, when a female acquaintance loses significant weight, I've ALWAYS thought a divorce is in the cards -- and yes it ALWAYS happens.

    As Larra said, I think there are women in bad relationships who comfort with food. When they lose weight, they get the confidence to leave the schmuck.

    I can identify with this.

    Seriously.

    Size six and divorce sound like a sensible plan to me.
     
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    Munchkin

    Munchkin Full of Fairy Dust

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    Dr. Baltasar kept track of this and he said about 50% of marriages fail after one partner has WLS. Not a LOT different from the divorce rate in the general population.
     
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    Munchkin

    Munchkin Full of Fairy Dust

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    I do agree with @Clematis@Clematis . Fat women settle for less and when/if they lose weight, they kick 'em to the curb. Weight loss of any kind seems to be a catalyst for divorce.
     
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    Clematis

    Clematis Well-Known Member

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    Obese women are seen as sexless, even by their husbands. Maybe especially by their husbands.

    When they lose weight, men start looking at them as sexy women. Some women freak out at this.

    Others say, Yes, please. I'll have some of that. Thank you.
     
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    southernlady

    southernlady Administrator Staff Member

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    IF a marriage was troubled before surgery, it will still be in trouble afterward. A solid marriage survives much.
     
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    KathrynK

    KathrynK Well-Known Member

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    The key part of the study is it was higher in women who were obese at the beginning of the relationship or marriage. Some men, thankfully, are attracted to the fuller, fluffy figure. They may not be as attracted to a skinnier body, or they might be threatened or jealous when other men pay attention to their wives. Certainly, this isn't true in every marriage, but it might contibute in some cases. For my marriage, I started young and thin, gaining weight with each of three pregnancies, and more with the loss of one, but our sex life flourished despite my weight changes and menopause. When I had DS, though, it suffered. I think I feel bad about my body with the sagging skin. I think he is a breast man, and those deflated greatly. I think estrogen is concentrated in fat, and I lost a lot of sex drive. We have a 30 year marriage that has weathered many storms and we are committed, but a little sad about the changes. maybe a shakier or shorter marriage wouldn't be able to tolerate such a big change. Am I alone in this experience?
     
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    Charris

    Charris Well-Known Member

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    My marriage ended I believe because I lost weight. But my x and me both had WLS. He couldn't handle that I was more successful with my surgery. But the main issue is he could not deal with all the male attention I got. He was just sure I was going to leave him. I hadn't planned on going nowhere is what he couldn't understand. So he started drugging me so he could go out with other women. Yea I know way to pick them!!!!
     
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    KathrynK

    KathrynK Well-Known Member

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    Charris: Horrible! No excuses for that. So few good men. So many wonderful women.
     
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    Spiky Bugger

    Spiky Bugger Well-Known Member

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    That ^^^ right there.

    Plus there IS still a "who else would have me?" mentality..
     
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    harrietvane

    harrietvane Well-Known Member

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    When I told my ex I wanted to separate late in 2013, his first reaction was 'I've known this was coming since 2010' (when I had my lapband). The funny thing was that my first surgery wasn't done because I was fishing for better options. I just got tired of wanting to do things outside of the house - holidays, hiking, even just going for a walk - and having to do them alone. I think it's definitely about the mindset shift to being more active and open to life, and a partner who may be quite comfortable with the status quo.
     
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    mcnee

    mcnee Member

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    I had recently done some digging into this, because I too did not trust the 80-85% often touted. Best I could find was some research out of Sweden.. I wrote a blog post about it last week... it's still "higher than normal", but not as high as most people seem to think..

    http://positively-healthy.com/divorce-rate-after-bariatric-surgery/
     
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    Munchkin

    Munchkin Full of Fairy Dust

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    Did you read her tweets on that same page. She is urging WLS patients to take enzymes so they will absorb more. Lots of ads on that page too. I bet she is making money....
     
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