Hi All!
- Thread starter CherylWRN
- Start date
Elizabeth N.
Herder of cats
Howdy and welcome. Please move forward regardless of what your husband thinks. You might have to be a real hardass about it....in order to save your life. He doesn't know WTF he's talking about because he has no idea what it's like to be MO and unable to change that.
conceit
Baroness
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2014
- Messages
- 188
People who haven't been MO are usually not very cognizant of the metabolic problems that can underlie morbid obesity. They usually assume lack of effort, which is a big reason why they continue to insist that the MO person keep exercising and dieting. In some cases, it's not even that that the average weight family members are overly concerned with surgical complications etc. (which if they researched, they'd learn soon enough that the DS is a very safe surgery that has been performed for decades with high success rates and low complication rates) but they see WLS as the 'easy way out'.
I am not married, but no one in my family (very health conscious and overall fairly thin-average weight/muscular/fit, including many ex military who run their homes like bootcamps lol) supports WLS, instead most actively look down on it. I am pretty much the only fat/obese person in my family. I know that I need WLS and I won't let anyone hold me back. Family members are supposed to be committed to each other's well being, and if they can't pull their head out of their ass and objectively assess the situation re: weight for what it is, I see no reason why they should be catered to. I'd suggest talking to them about why WLS is non-negotiable for you (which is a no brainer really at your weight) and why the DS is best for you. Tell them if they want you around and well (yeah it's a bit guilt trip-y but whatever lol), then they had better support your or decision or, if they can't manage that much, stay out of your way. Please feel free to allude to your profession as an RN. You are obviously an intelligent professional who takes care of people's medical needs. Surely you are intellectually quipped to decide what's good for your own health at this point in time.
Your husband (the MIL is totally irrelevant IMO) should prioritize your health over his attraction to your body at a specific size/body type. I am sure this is a sensitive issue, and I hope other members will chime in. So many people get WLS and their bodies change, and their partners adjust to the changes even if they loved the curves a lot.
Anyway, since I have an unsupportive (hostile rather) family myself, I have strong opinions on this. I am sure you'll be able to find a way. All the best on your journey.
I am not married, but no one in my family (very health conscious and overall fairly thin-average weight/muscular/fit, including many ex military who run their homes like bootcamps lol) supports WLS, instead most actively look down on it. I am pretty much the only fat/obese person in my family. I know that I need WLS and I won't let anyone hold me back. Family members are supposed to be committed to each other's well being, and if they can't pull their head out of their ass and objectively assess the situation re: weight for what it is, I see no reason why they should be catered to. I'd suggest talking to them about why WLS is non-negotiable for you (which is a no brainer really at your weight) and why the DS is best for you. Tell them if they want you around and well (yeah it's a bit guilt trip-y but whatever lol), then they had better support your or decision or, if they can't manage that much, stay out of your way. Please feel free to allude to your profession as an RN. You are obviously an intelligent professional who takes care of people's medical needs. Surely you are intellectually quipped to decide what's good for your own health at this point in time.
Your husband (the MIL is totally irrelevant IMO) should prioritize your health over his attraction to your body at a specific size/body type. I am sure this is a sensitive issue, and I hope other members will chime in. So many people get WLS and their bodies change, and their partners adjust to the changes even if they loved the curves a lot.
Anyway, since I have an unsupportive (hostile rather) family myself, I have strong opinions on this. I am sure you'll be able to find a way. All the best on your journey.
robs477
Now an Angel in heaven
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2014
- Messages
- 1,227
What @conceit said, so well written, as usual...!! Ok, so, I never had time to expound on this, so here goes…. I posted this thread a few months ago regarding my own “demons”, the “Non-Believers” which for me have been mostly DOCTORS and am re-posting it for you since we are both “Super Absorbers”…. My Wife knows how much I never eat, so, that’s not a problem….BUT…This topic is more in the general rather than the specific….We “Humans” are ALL products of our LEARNED experiences and the “Skinny People” will NEVER understand our internal prisons because they haven’t lived in them.
Original Post:……(please excuse any repetitions)…..
EXACTLY as Munchkin said….even at 2500 calories a day, that should put you in a 1500 calorie per day, 10,500 calorie deficit per week. 3500 calories in excess or minus IS SUPPOSE to equal 1 POUND either gained or loss. A calorie is a unit of measurement based on energy expended or available to be expended and is SUPPOSE to be a mathematical and physics constant that is non-negotiable, it can NOT lie, right, its science, its MATH, its one of the basics of what we Engineers and Scientists call the “Laws of Thermodynamics”. That is why Doctors, Science people etc don’t believe you…AND ME! For reasons science has yet to understand, those scientific standards are BULLSHIT! Those of us whom have metabolic disease/disorders does not work that way. When we eat, it stores, not burn. It is the same survival mechanisms in place that allows a bear to hibernate for 6 months or allows a turtle to live to be 200 yrs old. Did you ever wonder how a whale can become 95% FAT and Blubber when all it eats is plankton and fish??? SAME MECHANISM, I believe this store gene is in a lot of us because ancestors come from places where food was limited. And when they could feed every couple weeks, their bodies stored everything; it is a store gene of yet to be identified.
I may be relatively new to the DS…but, I promise you, I am an expert on nutrition, calories, carbs, working out etc. I have yet to tell my full story on here and probably will when I get some time over the holidays, but I am also on page 10 of two bestselling books by Mr. Lee Labrada (Mr. Universe winner, 4x Mr. Olympia runner up) with co-author world renowned Nutritionist Mr. Keith Klein. This was about 20 yrs ago and I’ve been doing this for 35 + yrs.
My point of telling you all this is, even the most educated and smart people don’t understand and won’t believe you unless they have lived it. If I go over 800 or 1000 calories PER DAY….I WILL GAIN WEIGHT…Period. IT F*@KING SUCKS and I’ve been living like that my whole life. I get to watch my skinny office mate that brings his big breakfast in every morning, crescents, donuts and then just 4 hrs later he friggin hungry again and has a double cheeseburger and fries, each time, I have nothing. He is skin and bones and I’m NOT exaggerating. Skinny people like that say, GOD DAMN, I eat all that and still don’t gain weight, and those fat people must really pack it in, why don’t they just “cut back”? “If I (skinny person talking), just “cut back” a little, I lose a couple pounds a day!” That’s all he knows, he/we are products of our learned experience, thus, IMHO, this is THE biggest prejudice of our time. Only the people real close to me know and BELIEVE my reality because they live with me and see what I eat and don’t eat.
!! Ok, so, I never had time to expound on this, so here goes…. I posted this thread a few months ago regarding my own “demons”, the “Non-Believers” which for me have been mostly DOCTORS and am re-posting it for you since we are both “Super Absorbers”…. My Wife knows how much I never eat, so, that’s not a problem….BUT…This topic is more in the general rather than the specific….We “Humans” are ALL products of our LEARNED experiences and the “Skinny People” will NEVER understand our internal prisons because they haven’t lived in them.Original Post:……(please excuse any repetitions)…..
EXACTLY as Munchkin said….even at 2500 calories a day, that should put you in a 1500 calorie per day, 10,500 calorie deficit per week. 3500 calories in excess or minus IS SUPPOSE to equal 1 POUND either gained or loss. A calorie is a unit of measurement based on energy expended or available to be expended and is SUPPOSE to be a mathematical and physics constant that is non-negotiable, it can NOT lie, right, its science, its MATH, its one of the basics of what we Engineers and Scientists call the “Laws of Thermodynamics”. That is why Doctors, Science people etc don’t believe you…AND ME! For reasons science has yet to understand, those scientific standards are BULLSHIT! Those of us whom have metabolic disease/disorders does not work that way. When we eat, it stores, not burn. It is the same survival mechanisms in place that allows a bear to hibernate for 6 months or allows a turtle to live to be 200 yrs old. Did you ever wonder how a whale can become 95% FAT and Blubber when all it eats is plankton and fish??? SAME MECHANISM, I believe this store gene is in a lot of us because ancestors come from places where food was limited. And when they could feed every couple weeks, their bodies stored everything; it is a store gene of yet to be identified.
I may be relatively new to the DS…but, I promise you, I am an expert on nutrition, calories, carbs, working out etc. I have yet to tell my full story on here and probably will when I get some time over the holidays, but I am also on page 10 of two bestselling books by Mr. Lee Labrada (Mr. Universe winner, 4x Mr. Olympia runner up) with co-author world renowned Nutritionist Mr. Keith Klein. This was about 20 yrs ago and I’ve been doing this for 35 + yrs.
My point of telling you all this is, even the most educated and smart people don’t understand and won’t believe you unless they have lived it. If I go over 800 or 1000 calories PER DAY….I WILL GAIN WEIGHT…Period. IT F*@KING SUCKS and I’ve been living like that my whole life. I get to watch my skinny office mate that brings his big breakfast in every morning, crescents, donuts and then just 4 hrs later he friggin hungry again and has a double cheeseburger and fries, each time, I have nothing. He is skin and bones and I’m NOT exaggerating. Skinny people like that say, GOD DAMN, I eat all that and still don’t gain weight, and those fat people must really pack it in, why don’t they just “cut back”? “If I (skinny person talking), just “cut back” a little, I lose a couple pounds a day!” That’s all he knows, he/we are products of our learned experience, thus, IMHO, this is THE biggest prejudice of our time. Only the people real close to me know and BELIEVE my reality because they live with me and see what I eat and don’t eat.
Larra
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2013
- Messages
- 3,522
@robs477 post reminds me of a guy I worked with a few lifetimes ago. Over the course of one summer, he lost at least 30 lbs by making exactly one change in his diet - he stopped drinking beer. No other changes. He literally had a beer belly.
and then there's Robs, and 9 years ago there was me. I tried the 1200 calorie diet prescribed by the bariatric program I started with. I didn't lose a bit. I dropped it to 1000 calories. No loss. Dropped it to 800 calories/day and sloooowly lost the amount of weight I was supposed to lose. I was hungry between meals, woke up hungry and went to bed hungry. And it got worse and worse the longer I followed this diet. And I was working, and going to the gym, and leading an active life.
And now, there's you. This type of effort to lose weight is not sustainable, nor is it healthy. You understand this. People like the beer belly guy don't. They can't. How can they possibly "get it" when their own experience is so different from ours?
I'm willing to assume that your family means well, though that isn't' always the case. But if they have not walked in your shoes, they will never get it. You can't change that. What you CAN do is to accept their ignorance for what it is, know that you have tried your best, and go forward with surgery that will save your life.
and then there's Robs, and 9 years ago there was me. I tried the 1200 calorie diet prescribed by the bariatric program I started with. I didn't lose a bit. I dropped it to 1000 calories. No loss. Dropped it to 800 calories/day and sloooowly lost the amount of weight I was supposed to lose. I was hungry between meals, woke up hungry and went to bed hungry. And it got worse and worse the longer I followed this diet. And I was working, and going to the gym, and leading an active life.
And now, there's you. This type of effort to lose weight is not sustainable, nor is it healthy. You understand this. People like the beer belly guy don't. They can't. How can they possibly "get it" when their own experience is so different from ours?
I'm willing to assume that your family means well, though that isn't' always the case. But if they have not walked in your shoes, they will never get it. You can't change that. What you CAN do is to accept their ignorance for what it is, know that you have tried your best, and go forward with surgery that will save your life.
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