Farts...

Marquis Mark

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2015
Messages
814
I looked it up. The average person farts 14 times a day. I fart 14 times before lunch. Then it gets bad. As the day wears on the farting becomes more frequent and more toxic. By evening, I frequently fart every 5 minutes. I let a really good, deep satisfying one go and think to myself, "That was it. I should be clear for a while now." Nope. It's a never ending methane well.

I presume the smell gets worse as the day goes on because my colon is slowly filling with poop. Unfortunately, night time is the worst time, especially as I sleep. Thank God my GF loves me no matter what. But if I ever lost her, I have no idea how I would break in someone new. Attraction is animal-like and I'm not sure how I would handle a woman in my bed who, however cool, smelled like shit.

Questions:

1. What are the best DS low-fart foods? The worst?
2. Any tips on how to handle the nightime thing?
3. Any other sage advice on this subject?

I knew going into the the DS the farts could be potent, but I didn't realize the sheer volume of farts could be an issue, too. I have to live my day with a whole new anxiety and consciousness I didn't have before. The vitamins are no big deal. For me, the farts are by far the worst part of the DS. Sounds funny, but it's pretty stressful sometimes.
 
1. I was writing farts off to DS. It took me 18 months to discover I had become lactose intolerant -- only to milk/cream, not yogurt or cheese or ice cream :) Even milk cooked in things does me in. I hardly fart at all anymore.

2. Keep a food diary. Eliminate things that cause you bad gas. A Cosmo turn off would definitely be a man who farted through sex. Go buy your GF expensive jewelry and a negotiable bond as she deserves that and more.

3. When you fart in public, look aghast at the stranger closest to you as if s/he did it.
 
Sounds like something you eat during the day is doing you in. Log your foods for a few days and then go on an elimination diet. After 3-4 days getting cleaned out, start adding your normal foods and keep track of what does you in.
 
1. I was writing farts off to DS. It took me 18 months to discover I had become lactose intolerant -- only to milk/cream, not yogurt or cheese or ice cream :) Even milk cooked in things does me in. I hardly fart at all anymore.

2. Keep a food diary. Eliminate things that cause you bad gas. A Cosmo turn off would definitely be a man who farted through sex. Go buy your GF expensive jewelry and a negotiable bond as she deserves that and more.

3. When you fart in public, look aghast at the stranger closest to you as if s/he did it.

Thank God I've never putzed during sex. I'm more worried about when I fall asleep. And I have developed many subterfuge techniques at work. I've only been busted once. I was walking around a Dollar Tree store. The aisle was clear so I let one go. Don't know what I ate, but it turned out to be worse than the Great Depression, 9/11 and slavery combined. Suddenly a weird/homeless dude enters the aisle, walks into it, freaks and points an accusing finger at me before I can round the bend, "Dude, you farted!" Everyone looked. Thank God he looked imbalanced so everyone assumed it was just him.

Yes, I'm going to have to do the elimination thing. I've casually observed before and not been able to identify the culprit. My prime suspects: Crystal Light, Diet soda, cheese...
 
Carbonated beverages give me gas! I no longer drink them because of that and GERD. Funny but I used to drink a lot of Crystal Light (for the potassium citrate) back when I was still having milk and had bad gas. Maybe the CL contributed to it as well? (While unsuccessfully trying to get off PPIs, CL was burning my esophagus like battery acid. I now take prescription potassium citrate for kidney stones. OTC potassium citrate just wasn't concentrated enough.)
 
We are all different in what leads to a stinky fart, but I'll give you my top ten worst foods:
1. Fast or frozen foods, particularly fake eggs in breakfast meals
2. Frankenstein-chicken (often disguised as real chicken in restaurant meals)
3. Foods with guar gum or food starch in the label (some yogurts have these)
4. Bananas or peaches (rasberries don't)
5. Onions (raw, but not cooked ones).
6. Whey protein products (egg white protein doesn't)
7. Sugar-free diet products
8. Gravies, sauces, and soups thickened with corn starch or flour (prepared meatballs can use these)
9. Vitamins with food starch (read label),
10. And, sadly, beer, and anything made with yeast or baking powder. The elimination diet helped identify these. Beans, nuts or real eggs are safe for me. I find cooking at home from scratch works much better than meals in restaurants or prepared foods.

The good news is that it gets much better over time after surgery, as you start to eliminate your worst offenders, and a high fat diet increases the speed at which things go through the colon. Probiotics help many people ( see recent thread on the topic). Poo-pourie is great for the bathroom, fans are good in other rooms, and other than that, just keep walking away (quickly).
 
You recently had plastic surgery with massive doses of ABX that killed off the good bugs. You may need to do a round of Flagyl to clear out the bad ones, and repopulate (and continue with daily doses) with high quality probiotics.
 
You recently had plastic surgery with massive doses of ABX that killed off the good bugs. You may need to do a round of Flagyl to clear out the bad ones, and repopulate (and continue with daily doses) with high quality probiotics.

They gave me Flagyl while I was in the hospital. And I do take Probiotics. I should clarify.... the gas is not always toxic. Most of the day, the smell is tolerable. It just tends to get worse as the day goes on. It's at it's peak overnight, before I go to the bathroom in the morning. Again, I theorize that's because the colon is filled with poop by that point. Once I go to the bathroom, it's not so bad for a while.

It's more the frequency I'm concerned with. Last night wasn't too bad. Maybe once every 20-30 minutes. But sometimes it's unbelievable. I'm a big guy (6, 3", 220) and I suspect I eat more than most of you (2,500 cals/day) so I'm sure that accounts for some of it.
 
Crystal Light would be the TOP of my list...my guts HATE the stuff.
I've decided Crystal Light is a major gas maker for my system! I usually drink tea or water with lemon but once in a while I make a pitcher of pink lemonade (crystal light brand) and have it instead. This time the first pitcher tasted so good I made a second pitcher...and the farts started. At first I thought it was due to some dessert items I had eaten but when I read Mark's post and the suggestions that it might be the C.L. I decided to see myself. I have been back on tea all day today and hardly any gas or toots. Just a tiny bit, but I think it's from yesterday and it's lessened with no buildup as day goes on like it was on previous days. Seriously, @Marquis Mark, try eliminating crystal light first and see what happens! Let me know.:D
 
OMG, I needed these laughs! I laugh because it hits home BIG TIME. But it is actually a pain. I sometimes don't want to go out with friends in the evenings because I know I'll be miserable and/or not be able to predict one that slips! I've horrified my teen at least 100 times by now! I need to do the elimination diet too...
 

Latest posts

Back
Top